It was all right.  She was going into the house.

He drew the telegram from his pocket again furtively, almost guiltily, and re-read it.  He turned it over and read it again....

Killed.

Then his own voice, hoarse and strange to his ears, spoke his thought.

“My God! how unutterably silly....  Why did I let him go?  Why did I let him go?”

Section 23

Mrs. Britling did not learn of the blow that had struck them until after dinner that night.  She was so accustomed to ignore his incomprehensible moods that she did not perceive that there was anything tragic about him until they sat at table together.  He seemed heavy and sulky and disposed to avoid her, but that sort of moodiness was nothing very strange to her.  She knew that things that seemed to her utterly trivial, the reading of political speeches in The Times, little comments on life made in the most casual way, mere movements, could so avert him.  She had cultivated a certain disregard of such fitful darknesses.  But at the dinner-table she looked up, and was stabbed to the heart to see a haggard white face and eyes of deep despair regarding her ambiguously.

“Hugh!” she said, and then with a chill intimation, “What is it?”

They looked at each other.  His face softened and winced.

“My Hugh,” he whispered, and neither spoke for some seconds.

“Killed,” he said, and suddenly stood up whimpering, and fumbled with his pocket.

It seemed he would never find what he sought.  It came at last, a crumpled telegram.  He threw it down before her, and then thrust his chair back clumsily and went hastily out of the room.  She heard him sob.  She had not dared to look at his face again.

“Oh!” she cried, realising that an impossible task had been thrust upon her.

“But what can I say to him?” she said, with the telegram in her hand.

The parlourmaid came into the room.

“Clear the dinner away!” said Mrs. Britling, standing at her place.  “Master Hugh is killed....”  And then wailing:  “Oh! what can I say?  What can I say?”

Section 24

That night Mrs. Britling made the supreme effort of her life to burst the prison of self-consciousness and inhibition in which she was confined.  Never before in all her life had she so desired to be spontaneous and unrestrained; never before had she so felt herself hampered by her timidity, her self-criticism, her deeply ingrained habit of never letting herself go.  She was rent by reflected distress.  It seemed to her that she would be ready to give her life and the whole world to be able to comfort her husband now.  And she could conceive no gesture of comfort.  She went out of the dining-room into the hall and listened.  She went very softly upstairs until she came to the door of her husband’s room.  There she stood still.  She could hear no sound from within.  She put out her hand and turned the handle of the door a little way, and then she was startled by the loudness of the sound it made and at her own boldness.  She withdrew her hand, and then with a gesture of despair, with a face of white agony, she flitted along the corridor to her own room.