John hadn’t got out of the boat; he thought
he ought to change his clothes, he said; and when
Charley, truly astonished, proffered his entire wardrobe
and reminded him of lunch, it was thank you very much,
but if he could be put ashore—I looked for
Hortense, to see what she would do, but Hortense,
had gone below with Kitty to change her clothes, and
the genuinely hearty protestations from all the rest
brought merely pleasantly firm politeness from John,
as he put on again the coat he had flung off on jumping.
At least he would take a drink, urged Charley.
Yes, thank you, he would; and he chose brandy-and-soda,
of which he poured himself a remarkably stiff one.
Charley and I poured ourselves milder ones, for the
sake of company.
“Here’s how,” said Charley to John.
“Yes, here’s how,” I added more
emphatically.
John looked at Charley with a somewhat extraordinary
smile. “Here’s unquestionably how!”
he exclaimed.
We had a gay lunch; I should have supposed there was
plenty of room in the Hermana’s refrigerator;
nor did the absence of Hortense and John, the cause
of our jubilation, at all interfere with the jubilation
itself; by the time the launch was ready to put me
ashore, Gazza had sung several miles of “good
music” and double that quantity of “razzla-dazzla,”
and General Rieppe was crying copiously, and assuring
everybody that God was very good to him. But
Kitty had told us all that she intended Hortense to
remain quiet in her cabin; and she kept her word.
Quite suddenly, as the launch was speeding me toward
Kings Port, I exclaimed aloud: “The cake!”
And, I thought, the cake was now settled forever.
It was my lot to attend but one of the weddings which
Hortense precipitated (or at least determined) by
her plunge into the water; and, truth to say, the
honor of my presence at the other was not requested;
therefore I am unable to describe the nuptials of Hortense
and Charley. But the papers were full of them;
what the female guests wore, what the male guests
were worth, and what both ate and drank, were set forth
in many columns of printed matter; and if you did
not happen to see this, just read the account of the
next wedding that occurs among the New York yellow
rich, and you will know how Charley and Hortense were
married; for it’s always the same thing.
The point of mark in this particular ceremony of union
lay in Charley’s speech; Charley found a happy
thought at the breakfast. The bridal party (so
the papers had it) sat on a dais, and was composed
exclusively of Oil, Sugar, Beef, Steel, and Union Pacific;
merely at this one table five hundred million dollars
were sitting (so the papers computed), and it helped
the bridegroom to his idea, when, by the importunate
vociferations of the company, he was forced to get
on his unwilling legs.
“Poets and people of that sort say” (Charley
concluded, after thanking them) “that happiness
cannot be bought with money. Well, I guess a poet
never does learn how to make a dollar do a dollar’s
work. But I am no poet; and I have learned it
is as well to have a few dollars around. And
I guess that my friends and I, right here at this table,
could organize a corner in happiness any day we chose.
And if we do, we will let you all in on it.”
