th’ iliction, whin confidence is restored an’ prosperity returns to th’ channels iv thrade an’ industhry,’ he says.  ‘Th’ exchange ’ll be opened promptly; an’ th’ usual rule iv chips f’r money an’ money f’r chips, fifty on cases an’ sivinty-five f’r doubles, a hard-boiled egg an’ a dhrink f’r losers, will prevail,’ he says.  ‘Return with th’ glad tidings iv renewed commerce, an’ thank th’ Lord I haven’t took ye’er clothes.’  His was th’ first stock exchange we had.

“Yes, Prosperity has come hollerin’ an screamin’.  To read th’ papers, it seems to be a kind iv a vagrancy law.  No wan can loaf anny more.  Th’ end iv vacation has gone f’r manny a happy lad that has spint six months ridin’ through th’ counthry, dodgin’ wurruk, or loafin’ under his own vine or hat-three.  Prosperity grabs ivry man be th’ neck, an’ sets him shovellin’ slag or coke or runnin’ up an’ down a ladder with a hod iv mortar.  It won’t let th’ wurruld rest.  If Humanity ’d been victoryous, no wan ‘d iver have to do a lick again to th’ end iv his days.  But Prosperity’s a horse iv another color.  It goes round like a polisman givin’ th’ hot fut to happy people that are snoozin’ in th’ sun.  ‘Get up,’ says Prosperity.  ‘Get up, an’ hustle over to th’ rollin’ mills:  there’s a man over there wants ye to carry a ton iv coal on ye’er back.’  ‘But I don’t want to wurruk,’ says th’ lad.  ’I’m very comfortable th’ way I am.’  ‘It makes no difference,’ says Prosperity.  ‘Ye’ve got to do ye’er lick.  Wurruk, f’r th’ night is comin’.  Get out, an’ hustle.  Wurruk, or ye can’t be unhappy; an’, if th’ wurruld isn’t unhappy, they’se no such a thing as Prosperity.’

“That’s wan thing I can’t understand,” Mr. Dooley went on.  “Th’ newspapers is run be a lot iv gazabos that thinks wurruk is th’ ambition iv mankind.  Most iv th’ people I know ‘d be happiest layin’ on a lounge with a can near by, or stretchin’ thimsilves f’r another nap at eight in th’ mornin’.  But th’ papers make it out that there ’d be no sunshine in th’ land without you an’ me, Hinnissy, was up before daybreak pullin’ a sthreet-car or poundin’ sand with a shovel.  I seen a line, ‘Prosperity effects on th’ Pinnsylvania Railroad’; an’ I read on to find that th’ road intinded to make th’ men in their shops wurruk tin hours instead iv eight, an’ it says ’there’s no reasons why they should not wurruk Sundahs iv they choose.’  If they choose!  An’ what chance has a man got that wants to make th’ wurruld brighter an’ happier be rollin’ car-wheels but to miss mass an’ be at th’ shops?”

“We must all work,” said Mr. McKenna, sententiously.

“Yes,” said Mr. Dooley, “or be wurruked.”

THE GREAT HOT SPELL.

It was sultry everywhere, but particularly in Archey Road; for in summer Archey Road is a tunnel for the south-west wind, which refreshes itself at the rolling-mill blasts, and spills its wrath upon the just and the unjust alike.  Wherefore Mr. Dooley and Mr. McKenna were both steaming, as they sat at either side of the door of Mr. Dooley’s place, with their chairs tilted back against the posts.