Mr. Dooley: In the Hearts of His Countrymen eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 221 pages of information about Mr. Dooley.

Mr. Dooley: In the Hearts of His Countrymen eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 221 pages of information about Mr. Dooley.
This Burke was f’r lavin’ whin he see where he was; but we run him again th’ shootin’ gallery, where ye got twinty-five cints, a quarther iv a dollar, f’r ivry time ye rang th’ bell.  Th’ ol’ gun we had was crooked as a ram’s horn, but it must ’ve fitted into Burke’s squint; f’r he made that there bell ring as if he was a conducthor iv a grip-car roundin’ a curve.  He had th’ shootin’ gallery on its last legs whin we run him again th’ wheel iv fortune.  He broke it.  Thin we thried him on th’ grab-bag.  They was four goold watches an’ anny quantity iv brickbats an’ chunks iv coal in th’ bag.  He had four dives, an’ got a watch each time.  He took a chanst on ivrything; an’ he won a foldin’-bed, a doll that cud talk like an old gate, a pianny, a lamp-shade, a Life iv St. Aloysius, a pair iv shoes, a baseball bat, an ice-cream freezer, an’ th’ pomes iv Mike Scanlan.

“Th’ comity was disthracted.  Here was a man that ‘d break th’ fair, an’ do it with th’ best iv humor; f’r he come fr’m another parish.  So we held a private session.  ’What ‘ll we do?’ says Dorgan, th’ chairman.  They was a man be th’ name iv Flaherty, a good man thin an’ a betther now; f’r he’s dead, may he rest in peace!  An’ Flaherty says:  ’We’ve got to take th’ bull be th’ horns,’ he says.  ‘If ye lave him to me,’ he says, ‘I’ll fix him,’ he says.

“So he injooced this man Burke to come down back iv th’ shootin’ gallery, an’ says he to Burke, ‘Ye’re lucky to-night.’  ‘Not so very,’ says Burke. ‘’Twud be a shame to lave ye get away with all ye won,’ says Flaherty. ‘’Twill be a great inconvanience,’ says Burke.  ’I’ll have to hire two or three dhrays,’ he says; ‘an’ ‘tis late.’  ‘Well,’ says Flaherty, ‘I’m appinted be th’ parish to cut th’ ca-ards with ye,’ he says, ’whether ye’re to give back what ye won or take what’s left.’ ‘’Tis fair,’ says Burke; ‘an’, whoiver wins, ’tis f’r a good cause.’  An’ he puts th’ watches an’ th’ money on th’ table.

“‘High man,’ says Flaherty.  ‘High man,’ says Burke.  Flaherty cut th’ king iv spades.  Burke, th’ robber, cut th’ ace iv hearts.  He was reachin’ out f’r th’ money, whin Flaherty put his hands over it.  ’Wud ye take it?’ says he.  ‘I wud,’ says Burke.  ‘Wud ye rob th’ church?’ says Flaherty.  ‘I wud,’ says Burke.  ‘Thin,’ says Flaherty, scoopin’ it in, ‘ye’re a heretic; an’ they’se nawthin’ comin’ to ye.’

“Burke looked at him, an’ he looked at th’ comity; an’ he says, ‘Gintlemen, if iver ye come over in th’ Sixth Ward, dhrop in an’ see me,’ he says.  ‘I’ll thry an’ make it plisint f’r ye,’ he says.  An’ he wint away.

“Th’ story got out, an’ th’ good man heerd iv it.  He was mighty mad about it; an’ th’ nex’ sermon he preached was on th’ evils iv gamblin’, but he asked Flaherty f’r to take up th’ colliction.”

THE WANDERERS.

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Mr. Dooley: In the Hearts of His Countrymen from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.