Mince Pie eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 192 pages of information about Mince Pie.

Mince Pie eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 192 pages of information about Mince Pie.

I suppose no more delicate task is given any man than to interpret the feelings and purposes of a great climate.  It is not a task in which any man can find much exhilaration, and I confess I have been puzzled by some of the criticisms leveled at my office.  But they do not make any impression on me, because I know that the sentiment of the country at large will be more generous.  I call my fellow countrymen to witness that at no stage of the recent period of low barometric pressure have I judged the purposes of the climate intemperately.  I should be ashamed to use the weak language of vindictive protest.

I have tried once and again, my fellow citizens, to say to you in all frankness what seems to be the prospect of fine weather.  There is a compulsion upon one in my position to exercise every effort to see that as little as possible of the hope of mankind is disappointed.  Yet this is a hope which cannot, in the very nature of things, be realized in its perfection.  The utmost that can be done by way of accommodation and compromise has been performed without stint or limit.  I am sure it will not be necessary to remind you that you cannot throw off the habits of the climate immediately, any more than you can throw off the habits of the individual immediately.  But however unpromising the immediate outlook may be, I am the more happy to offer my observations on the state of the weather for to-morrow because this is not a party issue.  What a delightful thought that is!  Whatever the condition of sunshine or precipitation vouchsafed to us, may I not hope that we shall all meet it with quickened temper and purpose, happy in the thought that it is our common fortune?

For to-morrow there is every prospect of heavy and continuous rain.

SYNTAX FOR CYNICS

A GRAMMAR OF THE FEMININE LANGUAGE

The feminine language consists of words placed one after another with extreme rapidity, with intervals for matinees.  The purpose of this language is (1) to conceal, and (2) to induce, thought.  Very often, after the use of a deal of language, a thought will appear in the speaker’s mind.  This, while desirable, is by no means necessary.

[Illustration]

THOUGHT cannot be defined, but it is instinctively recognized even by those unaccustomed to it.

PARTS OF SPEECH:  There are five parts of feminine speech—­noun, pronoun, adjective, verb and interjection.

THE NOUN is the name of something to wear, or somebody who furnishes something to wear, or a place where something is to be worn.  E.g., hat, husband, opera.  Feminine nouns are always singular.

THE PRONOUN is I.

ADJECTIVES:  There are only four feminine adjectives—­adorable, cute, sweet, horrid.  These are all modified on occasion by the adverb perfectly.

THE VERBS are of two kinds—­active and passive.  Active verbs express action; passive verbs express passion.  All feminine verbs are irregular and imperative.

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Mince Pie from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.