Too long I bore this weighty pack,
  As Hercules the sky;
Now take him you, Dan Atlas, back,
  Let me be stander-by.

Not all the witty things you speak
  In compass of a day,
Not half the puns you make a-week,
  Should bribe his longer stay.

With me you left him out at nurse,
  Yet are you not my debtor;
For, as he hardly can be worse,
  I ne’er could make him better.

He rhymes and puns, and puns and rhymes,
  Just as he did before;
And, when he’s lash’d a hundred times,
  He rhymes and puns the more.

When rods are laid on school-boys’ bums,
  The more they frisk and skip: 
The school-boys’ top but louder hums
  The more they use the whip.

Thus, a lean beast beneath a load
  (A beast of Irish breed)
Will, in a tedious dirty road,
  Outgo the prancing steed.

You knock him down and down in vain,
  And lay him flat before ye,
For soon as he gets up again,
  He’ll strut, and cry, Victoria!

At every stroke of mine, he fell,
  ’Tis true he roar’d and cried;
But his impenetrable shell
  Could feel no harm beside.

The tortoise thus, with motion slow,
  Will clamber up a wall;
Yet, senseless to the hardest blow,
  Gets nothing but a fall.

Dear Dan, then, why should you, or I,
  Attack his pericrany? 
And, since it is in vain to try,
  We’ll send him to Delany.

POSTSCRIPT

Lean Tom, when I saw him last week on his horse awry,
Threaten’d loudly to turn me to stone with his sorcery,
But, I think, little Dan, that in spite of what our foe says,
He will find I read Ovid and his Metamorphoses,
For omitting the first (where I make a comparison,
With a sort of allusion to Putland or Harrison)
Yet, by my description, you’ll find he in short is
A pack and a garran, a top and a tortoise. 
So I hope from henceforward you ne’er will ask, can I maul
This teasing, conceited, rude, insolent animal? 
And, if this rebuke might turn to his benefit,
(For I pity the man) I should be glad then of it.

SHERIDAN TO SWIFT

A Highlander once fought a Frenchman at Margate,
The weapons a rapier, a backsword, and target;
Brisk Monsieur advanced as fast as he could,
But all his fine pushes were caught in the wood;
While Sawney with backsword did slash him and nick him,
While t’other, enraged that he could not once prick him,
Cried, “Sirrah, you rascal, you son of a whore,
Me’ll fight you, begar, if you’ll come from your door!”
  Our case is the same; if you’ll fight like a man,
Don’t fly from my weapon, and skulk behind Dan;
For he’s not to be pierced; his leather’s so tough,
The devil himself can’t get through his buff. 
Besides, I cannot but say that it is hard,