The Periodical Souse, the Never-Again Feeling and the Ride On the Sprinkling Cart, 13

The Kind of Music That Is Too Good for Household Use, 23

The One or Two Points of Difference Between Learning and Learning How, 26

The Night-Watch and the Would-Be Something Awful, 37

The Attenuated Attorney Who Rang In the Associate Counsel, 46

What Father Bumped Into at the Culture Factory, 54

The Search for the Right House and How Mrs. Jump Had Her Annual
Attack, 65

The Batch of Letters, or One Day With a Busy Man, 72

The Sickly Dream and How It Was Doctored Up, 81

The Two Old Pals and the Call for Help, 90

The Regular Kind of a Place and the Usual Way It Turned Out, 99

The Man Who Had a True Friend to Steer Him Along, 107

The Young Napoleon Who Went Back to the Store On Monday Morning, 110

The High Art That Was a Little Too High for the Vulgarian Who Paid the
Bills, 119

The Patient Toiler Who Got It in the Usual Place, 129

The Summer Vacation That Was Too Good to Last, 133

How an Humble Beginner Moved from one Pinnacle to Another and Played the Entire Circuit, 142

The Maneuvers of Joel and the Disappointed Orphan Asylum, 149

Two Young People, Two Photographers and the Corresponding School of
Wooing, 158

The Married Couple That Went to Housekeeping and Began to Find Out
Things, 167

The Samaritan Who Got Paralysis of the Helping Hand, 175

The Effort to Convert the Work Horse Into a High-Stepper, 185

The Self-Made Hezekiah and His Message of Hope to This Year’s Crop of
Graduates, 194

The Girl Who Took Notes and Got Wise and Then Fell Down, 203

What They Had Laid Out for Their Vacation, 212

The Experimental Couple and the Three Off-Shoots, 215

* * * * *

THE PERIODICAL SOUSE, THE NEVER-AGAIN FEELING AND THE RIDE ON THE SPRINKLING CART

Once there was an Indian who had a Way of putting on all his Feathers and breaking out of the Reservation.

For three Weeks at a Stretch he gave a Correct Imitation of the Shining Light who passes the Basket and superintends the Repairs on the Parsonage.  He was entitled to a Mark of 100 for Deportment.  With his Meals he drank a little Polly.  After Dinner he smoked one Perfecto and then, when he had put in a frolicsome Hour or so with the North American Review, he crawled into the Hay at 9.30 P.M.

At last he accumulated a Sense of Virtue that was hard to carry around.  He was proud of himself when he counted up the number of days during which he had stuck to the Straight and Narrow.  It seemed to him that he deserved a Reward.  So he decided to buy himself a little Present, something costing about 15 cents.  He picked out a First-Class Place where they had Electric Fans and Pictures by the Old Masters.  He poured out a Working-man’s Size—­the kind that makes the Barkeep stop wiping up and look unfriendly for a Moment or two.