other sort sech as Welbor hed wuz of the Lord’s makin’ an’ naterally more wonderfle an’ sweet tastin’ leastways to me so fur as heerd from.  He used to interdooce ’em smooth ez ile athout sayin’ nothin’ in pertickler an’ I misdoubt he didn’t set so much by the sec’nd Ceres as wut he done by the Fust, fact, he let on onct thet his mine misgive him of a sort of fallin’ off in spots.  He wuz as outspoken as a norwester he wuz, but I tole him I hoped the fall wuz from so high up thet a feller could ketch a good many times fust afore comin’ bunt onto the ground as I see Jethro C. Swett from the meetin’ house steeple up to th’ old perrish, an’ took up for dead but he’s alive now an’ spry as wut you be.  Turnin’ of it over I recelected how they ust to put wut they called Argymunce onto the frunts of poymns, like poorches afore housen whare you could rest ye a spell whilst you wuz concludin’ whether you’d go in or nut espeshully ware tha wuz darters, though I most allus found it the best plen to go in fust an’ think afterwards an’ the gals likes it best tu.  I dno as speechis ever hez any argimunts to ’em, I never see none thet hed an’ I guess they never du but tha must allus be a B’ginnin’ to everythin’ athout it is Etarnity so I’ll begin rite away an’ anybody may put it afore any of his speeches ef it soots an’ welcome.  I don’t claim no paytent.

THE ARGYMUNT

Interducshin, w’ich may be skipt.  Begins by talkin’ about himself:  thet’s jest natur an’ most gin’ally allus pleasin’, I b’leeve I’ve notist, to one of the cumpany, an’ thet’s more than wut you can say of most speshes of talkin’.  Nex’ comes the gittin’ the goodwill of the orjunce by lettin’ ’em gether from wut you kind of ex’dentally let drop thet they air about East, A one, an’ no mistaik, skare ’em up an’ take ’em as they rise.  Spring interdooced with a fiew approput flours.  Speach finally begins witch nobuddy needn’t feel obolygated to read as I never read ’em an’ never shell this one ag’in.  Subjick staited; expanded; delayted; extended.  Pump lively.  Subjick staited ag’in so’s to avide all mistaiks.  Ginnle remarks; continooed; kerried on; pushed furder; kind o’ gin out.  Subjick restaited; dielooted; stirred up permiscoous.  Pump ag’in.  Gits back to where he sot out.  Can’t seem to stay thair.  Ketches into Mr. Seaward’s hair.  Breaks loose ag’in an’ staits his subjick; stretches it; turns it; folds it; onfolds it; folds it ag’in so’s’t, no one can’t find it.  Argoos with an imedginary bean thet ain’t aloud to say nothin’ in replye.  Gives him a real good dressin’ an’ is settysfide he’s rite.  Gits into Johnson’s hair.  No use tryin’ to git into his head.  Gives it up.  Hez to stait his subjick ag’in; doos it back’ards, sideways, eendways, criss-cross, bevellin’, noways.  Gits finally red on it.  Concloods.  Concloods more.  Reads some xtrax.  Sees his subjick a-nosin’ round arter him ag’in.  Tries to avide it.  Wun’t du. Misstates it.  Can’t conjectur’ no other plawsable way of staytin’ on it.  Tries pump.  No fx.  Finely concloods to conclood.  Yeels the flore.