If: a play in four acts eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 64 pages of information about If.

It’s bad enough.  I wish it hadn’t happened.

JOHN

It might have been worse.  It might have been Aunt Martha.

MARY

I’d sooner it had been her than poor little Jane.

JOHN

If it had been Aunt Martha’s photograph she’d have walked in next day and seen it for certain; I know Aunt Martha.  Then there’d have been trouble.

MARY

But, John, how could she have known?

JOHN

I don’t know, but she would have; it’s a kind of devilish sense she has.

MARY

John!

JOHN

What’s the matter?

MARY

John!  What a dreadful word you used. 
And on a Sunday too!  Really!

JOHN

O, I’m sorry.  It slipped out somehow. 
I’m very sorry.

[Enter Liza.]

LIZA

There’s a gentleman to see you, sir, which isn’t, properly speaking, a gentleman at all.  Not what I should call one, that is, like.

MARY

Not a gentleman!  Good gracious, Liza! 
Whatever do you mean?

LIZA

He’s black.

MARY

Black?

John [reassuring]

O . . . yes, that would be Ali.  A queer old customer, Mary; perfectly harmless.  Our firm gets hundreds of carpets through him; and then one day . . .

MARY

But what is he doing here, John?

JOHN

Well, one day he turned up in London; broke, he said; and wanted the firm to give him a little cash.  Well, old Briggs was for giving him ten shillings.  But I said “here’s a man that’s helped us in making thousands of pounds.  Let’s give him fifty.”

MARY

Fifty pounds!

JOHN

Yes, it seems a lot; but it seemed only fair.  Ten shillings would have been an insult to the old fellow, and he’d have taken it as such.  You don’t know what he’d have done.

MARY

Well, he doesn’t want more?

JOHN

No, I expect he’s come to thank me.  He seemed pretty keen on getting some cash.  Badly broke, you see.  Don’t know what he was doing in London.  Never can tell with these fellows.  East is East, and there’s an end of it.

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Project Gutenberg
If: a play in four acts from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.
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