If: a play in four acts eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 64 pages of information about If.

Well, I must.  I hate doing it.  It seems almost like being rude to the Lord Mayor.  But there’s two things I can’t stand—­cheating in business is one and murder’s another.  I’ve got to interfere.  You see, if one happens to know the right from wrong as we do, we’ve simply got to tell people who don’t.  But it isn’t pleasant.  I almost wish I’d never come.

ARCHIE BEAL

Why, it’s the greatest sport in the world.  It’s splendid.

JOHN BEAL

I don’t see it that way.  To me those idols are just horrid murder.  And this man owes money to this girl with no one to look after her, and he’s got to pay.  But I hate being rude to a man in a place like the Mansion House, even if he is black.  Why, good Lord, who am I?  It seems such cheek.

ARCHIE BEAL

I say, Johnny, tell me about the lady.  Is she pretty?

JOHN BEAL

What, Miss Miralda?  Yes.

ARCHIE BEAL

But what I mean is—­what’s she like?

JOHN BEAL

Oh, I don’t know.  It’s very hard to say.  She’s, she’s tall and she’s fair and she’s got blue eyes.

ARCHIE BEAL

Yes, but I mean what kind of a person is she?  How does she strike you?

JOHN BEAL

Well, she’s pretty hard up until she gets this money, and she hasn’t got any job that’s any good, and no real prospects bar this, and nobody particular by birth, and doesn’t know anybody who is, and lives in the least fashionable suburb and can only just afford a second-class fare and . . .

ARCHIE BEAL

Yes, yes, go on.

JOHN BEAL

And yet somehow she sort of seems like a—­like a queen.

ARCHIE BEAL

Lord above us!  And what kind of a queen?

JOHN BEAL

O, I don’t know.  Well, look here, Archie, it’s only my impression.  I don’t know her well yet.  It’s only my impression.  I only tell you in absolute confidence.  You won’t pass it on to anybody, of course.

ARCHIE BEAL

O, no.  Go on.

JOHN BEAL

Well, I don’t know, only she seemed more like well, a kind of autocrat, you know, who’d stop at nothing.  Well, no, I don’t mean that, only . . .

ARCHIE BEAL

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Project Gutenberg
If: a play in four acts from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.
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