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This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 64 pages of information about If.

You are in no wise to call me great master.  Have not I said so?  I am not your master.  I am helping you people.  I know better than you what you ought to do, because I am English.  But that’s all.  I’m not your master, See?

DAOUD

Yes, great master.

JOHN BEAL

O, go and get some more idols.  Hurry.

DAOUD

Great master, I go.
[Exit.]

JOHN BEAL

I can’t make these people out.

Daoud [returning]

I have three gods.

John Beal [looking at their faces, pointing to the two smaller idols first] These two are holy.  This one is unholy.

DAOUD

Yes, great master.

JOHN BEAL

Put them on the heap.

[Daoud does so, two left, one right.]

Get some more.

[Daoud salaams.  Exit.]

[Looking at right heap.] What a—­what a filthy people

[Enter Daoud with two idols.]

John Beal [after scrutiny]

This god is holy, this is unholy.

[Enter Archie Beal, wearing a “Bowler” hat.]

Why, Archie, this is splendid of you!  You’ve come!  Why, that’s splendid!  All that way!

ARCHIE BEAL

Yes, I’ve come.  Whatever are you doing?

JOHN BEAL

Archie, it’s grand of you to come!  I never ought to have asked it of you, only . . .

ARCHIE BEAL

O, that’s all right.  But what in the world are you doing?

JOHN BEAL

Archie, it’s splendid of you.

ARCHIE BEAL

O, cut it.  That’s all right.  But what’s all this?

JOHN BEAL

O, this.  Well, well they’re the very oddest people here.  It’s a long story.  But I wanted to tell you first how enormously grateful I am to you for coming.

ARCHIE BEAL

O, that’s all right.  But I want to know what you’re doing with all these genuine antiques.

JOHN BEAL

Well, Archie, the fact of it is they’re a real odd lot of people here.  I’ve learnt their language, more or less, but I don’t think I quite understand them yet.  A lot of them are Mahommedans; they worship Mahommed, you know.  He’s dead.  But a lot of them worship these things, and . . .

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