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This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 64 pages of information about If.

BERT

I wouldn’t, Bill; don’t you.

BILL

I will.

BERT

Don’t you, Bill.  You’ve got your family to consider.

BILL

Well, anyway, I won’t let any more of them passengers go jumping into trains any more, not when they’re moving, I won’t.  When the train gets in, doors shut.  That’s the rule, and they’ll have to abide by it.

[Enter John Beal.]

Bill [touching his hat]
Good morning, sir.

[John does not answer, but walks to the door between them.]

Carry your bag, sir?

JOHN

Go to hell!

[Exit through door.]

BILL

Ullo.

BERT

Somebody’s been getting at ’im.

BILL

Well, I never did.  Why, I knows the young feller.

BERT

Pleasant spoken, ain’t ’e, as a rule?

BILL

Never knew ’im like this.

BERT

You ain’t bin sayin’ nothing to ’im, ’ave yer?

BILL

Never in my life.

BERT

Well, I never.

BILL

‘Ad some trouble o’ some kind.

BERT

Must ’ave.

[Train is heard.]

BILL

Ah, ’ere she is.  Well, as I was saying . . .

Curtain

SCENE 4

In a second-class railway carriage.

Time:  Same morning as Scene 1, Act I.

Noise, and a scene drawn past the windows.  The scene, showing a momentary glimpse of fair English hills, is almost entirely placards, “Give her bovril,” “Give her OXO,” alternately, for ever.

Occupants, John Beal, a girl, a man.

All sit in stoical silence like the two images near Luxor.  The man has the window seat, and therefore the right of control over the window.

MIRALDA CLEMENT

Would you mind having the window open?

The man in the corner [shrugging his shoulders in a shivery way]

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