JUNKET: 

Well met, my hearties!  I must trouble you
Jointly and severally to provide
A comfortable carriage, with relays
Of hardy horses.  This Committee means
To move in state about the country here. 
I shall expect at every place I stop
Good beds, of course, and everything that’s nice,
With bountiful repast of meat and wine. 
For this Committee comes to sea and mark
And inwardly digest.

HAYSEED: 

Digest my dog!

NOZZLE: 

First square my claim for damages:  the gold
Escaping with the slickens keeps me poor!

RINGDIVVY: 

I merely would remark that if you’d grease
My itching palm it would more glibly glide
Into the public pocket.

FEEGOBBLE: 

Sir, the wheels
Of justice move but slowly till they’re oiled. 
I have some certain writs and warrants here,
Prepared against your advent.  You recall
The tale of Zaccheus, who did climb a tree,
And Jesus said:  “Come down”?

JUNKET: 

Why, bless your souls! 
I’ve got no money; I but came to see
What all this noisy babble is about,
Make a report and file the same away.

NOZZLE, RINGDIVVY, FEEGOBBLE, HAYSEED: 

How’ll that help us?  Reports are not our style
Of provender!

JUNKET: 

Well, you can gnaw the file.

(Curtain.)

“PEACEABLE EXPULSION”

DRAMATIS PERSONAE.

MOUNTWAVE a Politician
HARDHAND a Workingman
TOK BAK a Chinaman
SATAN a Friend to Mountwave

CHORUS OF FOREIGN VOTERS.

MOUNTWAVE: 

My friend, I beg that you will lend your ears
(I know ’tis asking a good deal of you)
While I for your instruction nominate
Some certain wrongs you suffer.  Men like you
Imperfectly are sensible of all
The miseries they actually feel. 
Hence, Providence has prudently raised up
Clear-sighted men like me to diagnose
Their cases and inform them where they’re hurt. 
The wounds of honest workingmen I’ve made
A specialty, and probing them’s my trade.

HARDHAND: 

Well, Mister, s’pose you let yer bossest eye
Camp on my mortal part awhile; then you
Jes’ toot my sufferin’s an’ tell me what’s
The fashionable caper now in writhes—­
The very swellest wiggle.

MOUNTWAVE: 

Well, my lad,
’Tis plain as is the long, conspicuous nose Borne, ponderous and pendulous, between The elephant’s remarkable eye-teeth
(Enter Tok Bak.)
That Chinese competition’s what ails you.

BOTH (Singing):