Oh, mean advantage conscience takes (and one that I abhor!)
  In asking one this question:  “What did you buy it for?”
  Why doesn’t conscience ply its blessed trade before the act,
  Before one’s cussedness becomes a bald, accomplished fact—­
  Before one’s fallen victim to the Tempter’s strategem
  And blown in twenty dollars by 9 o’clock a.m.?

  Ah, me! now the deed is done, how penitent I am! 
  I was a roaring lion—­behold a bleating lamb! 
  I’ve packed and shipped those precious things to that most precious wife
  Who shares with our sweet babes the strange vicissitudes of life,
  While he, who, in his folly, gave up his store of wealth,
  Is far away, and means to keep his distance—­for his health!

THE PETER-BIRD.

  Out of the woods by the creek cometh a calling for Peter,
  From the orchard a voice echoes and echoes it over;
  Down in the pasture the sheep hear that strange crying for Peter,
  Over the meadows that call is aye and forever repeated. 
  So let me tell you the tale, when, where and how it all happened,
  And, when the story is told, let us pay heed to the lesson.

  Once on a time, long ago, lived in the state of Kentucky
  One that was reckoned a witch—­full of strange spells and devices;
  Nightly she wandered the woods, searching for charms voodooistic—­
  Scorpions, lizards, and herbs, dormice, chameleons and plantains! 
  Serpents and caw-caws and bats, screech-owls and crickets and adders—­
  These were the guides of the witch through the dank deeps of the forest. 
  Then, with her roots and her herbs, back to her cave in the morning
  Ambled that hussy to brew spells of unspeakable evil;
  And, when the people awoke, seeing the hillside and valley
  Sweltered in swathes as of mist—­“Look!” they would whisper in terror—­
  “Look! the old witch is at work brewing her spells of great evil!”
  Then would they pray till the sun, darting his rays through the vapor,
  Lifted the smoke from the earth and baffled the witch’s intentions.

  One of the boys at that time was a certain young person named Peter,
  Given too little to work, given too largely to dreaming;
  Fonder of books than of chores you can imagine that Peter
  Led a sad life on the farm, causing his parents much trouble. 
  “Peter!” his mother would call, “the cream is a-ready for churning!”
  “Peter!” his father would cry, “go grub at the weeds in the garden!”
  So it was “Peter!” all day—­calling, reminding and chiding—­
  Peter neglected his work; therefore that nagging at Peter!

  Peter got hold of some books—­how I’m unable to tell you;
  Some have suspected the witch—­this is no place for suspicions! 
  It is sufficient to stick close to the thread of the legend. 
  Nor is it stated or guessed what was the trend of those volumes;
  What thing soever it was—­done with a pen and a pencil,
  Wrought with the brain, not a hoe—­surely ’twas hostile to farming! 
  “Fudge on the readin’!” they quoth; “that’s what’s the ruin of Peter!”