That whole day long the Taylor pup
This way and that did hie
Upon his mad, erratic course
Intent on getting dry.
That night when Mr. Taylor came
His vesper meal to eat,
He uttered things my pious pen
Would liefer not repeat.
Yet still that noble Taylor pup
Survives to romp and bark
And stumble over folks and things
In fair Buena Park.
Good sooth, I wot he should be called
Buena’s favorite son
Who’s sired of such a noble sire
And damned by every one.
All human joys are swift of wing
For heaven doth so allot it
That when you get an easy thing
You find you haven’t got it.
Man never yet has loved a maid,
But they were sure to part, sir;
Nor never lacked a paltry spade
But that he drew a heart, sir!
Go, Chauncey! it is plain as day
You much prefer a dinner
To walking straight in wisdom’s way—
Go to, thou babbling sinner.
The froward part that you have played
To me this lesson teaches:
To trust no man whose stock in trade
Is after-dinner speeches.
TO DE WITT MILLER.
Dear Miller: You and I despise
The cad who gathers books to sell ’em,
Be they but sixteen-mos in cloth
Or stately folios garbed in vellum.
But when one fellow has a prize
Another bibliophile is needing,
Why, then, a satisfactory trade
Is quite a laudable proceeding.
There’s precedent in Bristol’s
The great collector—preacher-farmer;
And in the case of that divine
Who shrives the soul of P.D. Armour.
When from their sapient, saintly lips
The words of wisdom are not dropping,
They turn to trade—that is to say,
When they’re not preaching they are swapping!
So to the flock it doth appear
That this a most conspicuous fact is:
That which these godly pastors do
Must surely be a proper practice.
Now, here’s a pretty prize, indeed,
On which De Vinne’s art is lavished;
Harkee! the bonny, dainty thing
Is simply waiting to be ravished!
And you have that for which I pine
As you should pine for this fair creature:
Come, now, suppose we make a trade—
You take this gem, and send the Beecher!
Surely, these graceful, tender songs
(In samite garb with lots of gilt on)
Are more to you than those dull tome?
Her pastor gave to Lizzie Tilton!