BY
ARNOLD BENNETT
London
CHATTO & Windus
MCMXVIII
Mr. Culver
Mrs. Culver
Hildegarde Culver } their children
John Culver }
Tranto
Miss Starkey
Sampson straight
parlourmaid
An evening between Christmas and New Year, before
dinner.
The next evening, after dinner.
The next day, before lunch.
The scene throughout is a sitting-room in the well-furnished
West End abode of the Culvers. There is a door,
back. There is also another door (L) leading
to Mrs. Culver’s boudoir and elsewhere.
ACT I
Hildegarde is sitting at a desk, writing.
John, in a lounging attitude, is reading a newspaper.
Enter Tranto, back.
Tranto. Good evening.
Hildegarde (turning slightly in her seat and
giving him her left hand, the right still holding
a pen). Good evening. Excuse me one moment.
Tranto. All right about my dining here to-night?
(Hildegarde nods.)
Larder equal to the strain?
Hildegarde. Macaroni.
Tranto. Splendid.
Hildegarde. Beefsteak.
Tranto. Great heavens! (imitates sketchily
the motions of cutting up a piece of steak. Shaking
hands with John, who has risen). Well,
John. How are things? Don’t let me
disturb you. Have a cigarette.
John (flattered). Thanks. (As
they light cigarettes.) You’re the first
person here that’s treated me like a human being.
TRANTO. Oh!
JOHN. Yes. They all treat me as if I was
a schoolboy home for the hols.
TRANTO. But you are, aren’t you?
JOHN. In a way, of course. But—well,
don’t you see what I mean?
TRANTO (sympathetically). You mean that
a schoolboy home for the hols isn’t necessarily
something escaped out of the Zoo.
JOHN (warming). That’s it.
TRANTO. In fact, what you mean is you’re
really an individual very like the rest of us, subject,
if I may say so, to the common desires, weaknesses
and prejudices of humanity—and not a damned
freak.
JOHN (brightly). That’s rather good,
that is. If it’s a question of the Zoo,
what I say is—what price home? Now,
homes are extraordinary if you like—I
don’t know whether you’ve ever noticed
it. School—you can understand school.
But home—! Strange things happen here while
I’m away.
