After I had watched him for about five minutes trying to juggle the new peas on a knife, it got on my nerves, so I spoke to him.
“Ike,” I said, thinking possibly I might cure him with a bit of sarcasm, “aren’t you afraid you will cut yourself with the sword?”
[Illustration: “Aren’t you afraid you will cut yourself with the sword?”]
“Oh! no, no,” Ike answered, looking at the knife with contempt; “there is no danger at all. But at the Palmer House in Chicago—Ah! there they have sharp knives!”
Ike is beyond the breakers for mine.
The races at Saratoga were extremely exciting.
A friend of mine volunteered to pick out the winners for me, but after I lost eight dollars I decided that it would be cheaper to pick out a new friend.
But I do love to mingle with Society at the summer resorts.
It isn’t generally known, but one of my great-grandfathers was present when the original 400 landed at Plymouth Rock.
My great-grandfather owned the Rock.
A couple of nights after the original 400 landed on Plymouth Rock the leader of the smart set, Mrs. Von Tweedledum, gave a full dress ball.
My great-grandfather looked in at the full dress ball and was so shocked that he went and opened a clothing store next day.
Society never forgave him for this insinuation.
But, say, isn’t it immense the way the doings of these Society dubs are chronicled in the Society papers?
In case you haven’t noticed them I would like to put you wise to a few:
Among the Smart Setters now present at Saratoga is John J. Sousebuilder, the well-known millionaire from Cincinnati. He is here to follow the races but he seems to have an idea that the horses live in the hotel bar-room, because that is where he does most of his following.
Cornelius Sudslifter, the well-known inventor of the patent chowless chow chow, is paying deep attention to Esmeralda Ganderface, the brilliant daughter of old man Tightfist Ganderface, the millionaire inventor of a system of opening clams by steam. Cornelius and Esmeralda make a sweet and beautiful picture as they stroll arm in arm to the post-office, where Cornelius mails a check for the week’s alimony to his former wife, who is visiting lawyers in South Dakota.
Hector J. Roobernik, well known in Society, is spending the summer at Atlantic City. Hector was formerly a Bohemian glass blower, but he is now rich enough to leave off the last part of his occupation, so he calls himself just a Bohemian—which is different. Hector is paying deep attention to Phyllis Kurdsheimer, the daughter of Mike Kurdsheimer, the millionaire inventor of the slippery elm shoe horn.
Gus Beanhoister, the widely known bunion broker and Society man of South Newark, is summering at Cape May, where he mingles with the other pets of fashion. Gus finds it very hard to refrain from looking at people’s feet during the bathing hours, but otherwise he is doing quite well.