CHAPTER XXII.

A GREAT DEAL TOO SOON.

     But her sad eyes, still fastened on the ground,
     Are governed with a goodly modesty,
     That suffers not a look to glance away,
     Which may let in a little thought unsound.

     Spenser.

     Vouloir ce que Dieu veut est la seule science
     Qui nous met en repos.

     Malherbe.

Richard had obtained for me (with difficulty), from the lawyer of the new uncle who had arisen, the privilege of remaining in the house for another month, undisturbed in any way.  At the end of those four weeks I was to be married to him, one day, quietly in church, and to go away.  It was very hard to have to see Sophie, and be treated with ignominy, for doing what I did not want to do; it was very hard to make preparations to leave the only place I wanted to stay in now; it was very hard to be tranquil and even, while my heart was like lead.  But I had begun to discover that that was the general order of things here below, and it did not amaze me as it had done at first.  I was doing my duty, to the best of my discernment, and was not to be deterred by all the lead in the world.

It was very well for Richard to say, he did it for sacrifice and for duty.  I have no doubt at first he did it greatly for those two things:  but he grew happier every day, I could see.  He was very considerate of my sadness, and always acted on the basis on which our engagement was begun, never keeping my hand in his, or kissing me, or asking any of the trifling favors of a lover.

He was grave and silent:  but I could see the change in his face; I could see that he was more exacting of every moment that I spent away from him; he kept near me, and followed me with his eyes, and seemed never to be satisfied with his possession of me.

He bought me the most beautiful jewels, (he had made great strides toward fortune in the last six months, and was a rich man now in earnest,) and though he never clasped them on my throat or wrist, nor even fitted a ring on my finger, I could feel his eyes upon me, hungering for a smile, a word of gratitude.

And who would not have been grateful?  But it was “too soon, a great deal too soon,” as he had said himself.  I was very grateful, but I would have been glad to die.

I have wondered whether he saw it or not, I rather think not.  I was very submissive and gentle, and tried to be bright, and I think he was so absorbed in the satisfaction of my promise, so intent upon his plans for making me happy, and for making me love him, that he made himself believe there was no heart of lead below the tranquillity he saw.

It was the third week since my uncle’s death.  The next week was to come the marriage, on Wednesday, the 19th of May.

“Marriages in May are not happy,” said Ann Coddle.