Like all the other humbugs of superstition, this new doctrine seems to me to contain but a single drop of truth submerged in an ocean of folly.  Mary Baker G. Eddy, the great high priestess, claims to possess the power to heal the sick and raise the dead; yet she has retired with much lucre to her palatial residence, lives like a queen, rolling in luxury, refusing to exercise her pretended healing power upon the thousands writhing in agony and whom she claims to be able to cure.  Surely her “Key to the Scriptures” should thunder in her ears the anathema, “To him who knoweth to do good and doeth it not, to him it is a sin.”

I, too, claim a great discovery, a new “sacred book,” which I have been inspired to write, and if people will give it the implicit faith required to benefit by “Christian Science,” I will guarantee to cure all mental ills, and to bring eternal peace on earth.  I herewith give my revelation to all, without money and without price, in strong contrast to the mercenary methods of the Eddy healers.  My “science and health” is multum in parvo.  Here it is: 

Columbus discovered the new world; but his wife discovered the old world.  The name of his wife, of course, was Columba, which in Latin, means a dove.  Columba, the dove, flew forth from the ark, and so discovered the Eastern Continent.  Columbus sailed from G—­noa; but Columba sailed from Noah, and when the gods saw her with the olive-branch, they said “blessed be the dove, for whosoever shall receive her by faith into his heart, the same shall be free from unrest and from war forevermore.”

Faith can remove mountains, and faith is all there is to “Christian Science,” so far as we have been able to ascertain.  We concede to its many devotees an almost unlimited amount of this saving grace; but sincerely claim that our “Columba science” will be equally efficient for good if received in the same spirit which has greeted the new gospel promulgated by Saint Mary Baker G. Eddy. Selah.

[Illustration:  We Steamed up the Lordly St. John’s River of Florida.]

CHAPTER XVIII.

IN THE LAND OF FLOWERS.

After these scientific investigations, my wife and I left New England covered with snow and swept by fierce, freezing winds to find this far-famed peninsular basking in delicious sunshine, the air full of the exquisite perfume of orange blossoms and the songs of rejoicing birds.  It was an enchanted land, the balsamic odors from the beautiful evergreen pine forests starred by the fragrant magnolia blossoms of spotless white, exorcised the ulceratic demons from throat and lungs.

We feasted upon the delicious fruits and vegetables fresh from the trees and earth, and the returning healthy appetite was refreshed by tender venison, wild turkeys and quails from the woods, nutritious and abundant fish and ducks from the lakes and rivers.  It was a new heaven and a new earth, full of gladness and semi-tropical luxuries.