“In the Church those who free themselves from
human passion are most rare. And who knows if,
even among those few privileged ones, some are not
driven by the demon of vanity to increase the asceticism
of their lives, thinking of the glory of being on
an altar! The priest who succeeds in subduing
his flesh falls into avarice, which is the ecclesiastical
vice par excellence. I have never hoarded
from vice; I have saved for my own, but never for
myself.”
The prelate was silent for a long while; but in his
irresistible desire to confide in the simple old woman
he went on.
“I am sure that God will not despise me when
my hour comes. His infinite mercy is above all
the littleness of life. What has been my fault?
To have loved a woman, as my father loved my mother;
to have had children as the apostles and saints had.
And why not? Ecclesiastical celibacy is an invention
of men, a detail of discipline agreed upon at the
councils; but the flesh and its exigencies are anterior
by many centuries; they date from Paradise. Whoever
crosses this barrier, not from vice, but from irresistible
passion, because he cannot conquer the impulse to
create a family and to have a companion, fails indubitably
towards the laws of the Church, but he does not disobey
God. I fear the approach of death; many nights
I doubt and tremble like a child. But I have
served God in my own way. In former times I would
have served Him with my sword, fighting against the
heretics. Now I am His priest and do battle for
Him whenever I see the impiety of the age curtailing
anything of His glory. The Lord will forgive
me, receiving me into His bosom. You, who are
so good, Tomasa, and have the soul of an angel beneath
your rough exterior, do you not think so?”
The gardener’s widow smiled, and her words fell
slowly on the silence of the dying evening.
“Tranquillise yourself, Don Sebastian.
I have seen many saints in this house, and they have
been worth much less than you. To ensure their
salvation they would have abandoned their children.
To maintain what they call purity of soul they would
have renounced their family. Believe me, no saints
enter here; they are men, nothing but men. You
have nothing to repent of in following the impulse
of your heart. God created us in His image and
likeness, and also planted in us family love.
All the rest, chastity, celibacy and other trifles,
you invented for yourselves, to distinguish yourselves
from the common herd of people. Be a man, Don
Sebastian, and the more you show yourself such the
better it will be for you, and the better the Lord
will receive you in His glory.”
A few days after Corpus Don Antolin went one morning
in search of Gabriel. Silver Stick smiled at
Luna, speaking to him in a patronising way.
He had thought of him all night; it pained him to
see him idle, walking about the cloister; it was the
want of occupation that inspired him with such perverse
ideas.
