Gargantua and Pantagruel eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 1,126 pages of information about Gargantua and Pantagruel.
Grangousier conskites himself for fear, the poor drinker.  He is not skilled in warfare, nor hath he any stomach for it.  He knows better how to empty the flagons,—­that is his art.  I am of opinion that it is fit we send back the carts and the money, and, for the rest, that very speedily we fortify ourselves here, then prosecute our fortune.  But what!  Do they think to have to do with a ninnywhoop, to feed you thus with cakes?  You may see what it is.  The good usage and great familiarity which you have had with them heretofore hath made you contemptible in their eyes.  Anoint a villain, he will prick you:  prick a villain, and he will anoint you (Ungentem pungit, pungentem rusticus ungit.).

Sa, sa, sa, said Picrochole, by St. James you have given a true character of them.  One thing I will advise you, said Touquedillon.  We are here but badly victualled, and furnished with mouth-harness very slenderly.  If Grangousier should come to besiege us, I would go presently, and pluck out of all your soldiers’ heads and mine own all the teeth, except three to each of us, and with them alone we should make an end of our provision but too soon.  We shall have, said Picrochole, but too much sustenance and feeding-stuff.  Came we hither to eat or to fight?  To fight, indeed, said Touquedillon; yet from the paunch comes the dance, and where famine rules force is exiled.  Leave off your prating, said Picrochole, and forthwith seize upon what they have brought.  Then took they money and cakes, oxen and carts, and sent them away without speaking one word, only that they would come no more so near, for a reason that they would give them the morrow after.  Thus, without doing anything, returned they to Grangousier, and related the whole matter unto him, subjoining that there was no hope left to draw them to peace but by sharp and fierce wars.

Chapter 1.XXXIII.

How some statesmen of Picrochole, by hairbrained counsel, put him in extreme danger.

The carts being unloaded, and the money and cakes secured, there came before Picrochole the Duke of Smalltrash, the Earl Swashbuckler, and Captain Dirt-tail (Menuail, Spadassin, Merdaille.), who said unto him, Sir, this day we make you the happiest, the most warlike and chivalrous prince that ever was since the death of Alexander of Macedonia.  Be covered, be covered, said Picrochole.  Gramercy, said they, we do but our duty.  The manner is thus.  You shall leave some captain here to have the charge of this garrison, with a party competent for keeping of the place, which, besides its natural strength, is made stronger by the rampiers and fortresses of your devising.  Your army you are to divide into two parts, as you know very well how to do.  One part thereof shall fall upon Grangousier and his forces.  By it shall he be easily at the very first shock routed, and then shall you get money by heaps, for the clown

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Gargantua and Pantagruel from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.
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