Grangousier conskites himself for fear, the poor drinker.
He is not skilled in warfare, nor hath he any stomach
for it. He knows better how to empty the flagons,—that
is his art. I am of opinion that it is fit we
send back the carts and the money, and, for the rest,
that very speedily we fortify ourselves here, then
prosecute our fortune. But what! Do they
think to have to do with a ninnywhoop, to feed you
thus with cakes? You may see what it is.
The good usage and great familiarity which you have
had with them heretofore hath made you contemptible
in their eyes. Anoint a villain, he will prick
you: prick a villain, and he will anoint you
(Ungentem pungit, pungentem rusticus ungit.).
Sa, sa, sa, said Picrochole, by St. James you have
given a true character of them. One thing I
will advise you, said Touquedillon. We are here
but badly victualled, and furnished with mouth-harness
very slenderly. If Grangousier should come to
besiege us, I would go presently, and pluck out of
all your soldiers’ heads and mine own all the
teeth, except three to each of us, and with them alone
we should make an end of our provision but too soon.
We shall have, said Picrochole, but too much sustenance
and feeding-stuff. Came we hither to eat or
to fight? To fight, indeed, said Touquedillon;
yet from the paunch comes the dance, and where famine
rules force is exiled. Leave off your prating,
said Picrochole, and forthwith seize upon what they
have brought. Then took they money and cakes,
oxen and carts, and sent them away without speaking
one word, only that they would come no more so near,
for a reason that they would give them the morrow
after. Thus, without doing anything, returned
they to Grangousier, and related the whole matter
unto him, subjoining that there was no hope left to
draw them to peace but by sharp and fierce wars.
Chapter 1.XXXIII.
How some statesmen of Picrochole, by hairbrained counsel,
put him in extreme danger.
The carts being unloaded, and the money and cakes
secured, there came before Picrochole the Duke of
Smalltrash, the Earl Swashbuckler, and Captain Dirt-tail
(Menuail, Spadassin, Merdaille.), who said unto him,
Sir, this day we make you the happiest, the most warlike
and chivalrous prince that ever was since the death
of Alexander of Macedonia. Be covered, be covered,
said Picrochole. Gramercy, said they, we do but
our duty. The manner is thus. You shall
leave some captain here to have the charge of this
garrison, with a party competent for keeping of the
place, which, besides its natural strength, is made
stronger by the rampiers and fortresses of your devising.
Your army you are to divide into two parts, as you
know very well how to do. One part thereof shall
fall upon Grangousier and his forces. By it
shall he be easily at the very first shock routed,
and then shall you get money by heaps, for the clown
