Gargantua and Pantagruel eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 1,126 pages of information about Gargantua and Pantagruel.
coughed, yexed, sneezed and snotted himself like an archdeacon, and, to suppress the dew and bad air, went to breakfast, having some good fried tripes, fair rashers on the coals, excellent gammons of bacon, store of fine minced meat, and a great deal of sippet brewis, made up of the fat of the beef-pot, laid upon bread, cheese, and chopped parsley strewed together.  Ponocrates showed him that he ought not to eat so soon after rising out of his bed, unless he had performed some exercise beforehand.  Gargantua answered, What! have not I sufficiently well exercised myself?  I have wallowed and rolled myself six or seven turns in my bed before I rose.  Is not that enough?  Pope Alexander did so, by the advice of a Jew his physician, and lived till his dying day in despite of his enemies.  My first masters have used me to it, saying that to breakfast made a good memory, and therefore they drank first.  I am very well after it, and dine but the better.  And Master Tubal, who was the first licenciate at Paris, told me that it was not enough to run apace, but to set forth betimes:  so doth not the total welfare of our humanity depend upon perpetual drinking in a ribble rabble, like ducks, but on drinking early in the morning; unde versus,

  To rise betimes is no good hour,
  To drink betimes is better sure.

After that he had thoroughly broke his fast, he went to church, and they carried to him, in a great basket, a huge impantoufled or thick-covered breviary, weighing, what in grease, clasps, parchment and cover, little more or less than eleven hundred and six pounds.  There he heard six-and-twenty or thirty masses.  This while, to the same place came his orison-mutterer impaletocked, or lapped up about the chin like a tufted whoop, and his breath pretty well antidoted with store of the vine-tree-syrup.  With him he mumbled all his kiriels and dunsical breborions, which he so curiously thumbed and fingered, that there fell not so much as one grain to the ground.  As he went from the church, they brought him, upon a dray drawn with oxen, a confused heap of paternosters and aves of St. Claude, every one of them being of the bigness of a hat-block; and thus walking through the cloisters, galleries, or garden, he said more in turning them over than sixteen hermits would have done.  Then did he study some paltry half-hour with his eyes fixed upon his book; but, as the comic saith, his mind was in the kitchen.  Pissing then a full urinal, he sat down at table; and because he was naturally phlegmatic, he began his meal with some dozens of gammons, dried neat’s tongues, hard roes of mullet, called botargos, andouilles or sausages, and such other forerunners of wine.  In the meanwhile, four of his folks did cast into his mouth one after another continually mustard by whole shovelfuls.  Immediately after that, he drank a horrible draught of white wine for the ease of his kidneys.  When that was done, he ate according to the season meat agreeable to his appetite, and then left off eating when his belly began to strout, and was like to crack for fulness.  As for his drinking, he had in that neither end nor rule.  For he was wont to say, That the limits and bounds of drinking were, when the cork of the shoes of him that drinketh swelleth up half a foot high.

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Gargantua and Pantagruel from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.
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