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This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 952 pages of information about Gargantua and Pantagruel.

Upon these words they framed articles against him:  he on the other side warned them to appear.  In sum, the process was retained by the court, and is there as yet.  Hereupon the magisters made a vow never to decrott themselves in rubbing off the dirt of either their shoes or clothes:  Master Janotus with his adherents vowed never to blow or snuff their noses, until judgment were given by a definitive sentence.

By these vows do they continue unto this time both dirty and snotty; for the court hath not garbled, sifted, and fully looked into all the pieces as yet.  The judgment or decree shall be given out and pronounced at the next Greek kalends, that is, never.  As you know that they do more than nature, and contrary to their own articles.  The articles of Paris maintain that to God alone belongs infinity, and nature produceth nothing that is immortal; for she putteth an end and period to all things by her engendered, according to the saying, Omnia orta cadunt, &c.  But these thick mist-swallowers make the suits in law depending before them both infinite and immortal.  In doing whereof, they have given occasion to, and verified the saying of Chilo the Lacedaemonian, consecrated to the oracle at Delphos, that misery is the inseparable companion of law-debates; and that pleaders are miserable; for sooner shall they attain to the end of their lives, than to the final decision of their pretended rights.

Chapter 1.XXI.

The study of Gargantua, according to the discipline of his schoolmasters the Sophisters.

The first day being thus spent, and the bells put up again in their own place, the citizens of Paris, in acknowledgment of this courtesy, offered to maintain and feed his mare as long as he pleased, which Gargantua took in good part, and they sent her to graze in the forest of Biere.  I think she is not there now.  This done, he with all his heart submitted his study to the discretion of Ponocrates; who for the beginning appointed that he should do as he was accustomed, to the end he might understand by what means, in so long time, his old masters had made him so sottish and ignorant.  He disposed therefore of his time in such fashion, that ordinarily he did awake betwixt eight and nine o’clock, whether it was day or not, for so had his ancient governors ordained, alleging that which David saith, Vanum est vobis ante lucem surgere.  Then did he tumble and toss, wag his legs, and wallow in the bed some time, the better to stir up and rouse his vital spirits, and apparelled himself according to the season:  but willingly he would wear a great long gown of thick frieze, furred with fox-skins.  Afterwards he combed his head with an Almain comb, which is the four fingers and the thumb.  For his preceptor said that to comb himself otherwise, to wash and make himself neat, was to lose time in this world.  Then he dunged, pissed, spewed, belched, cracked, yawned, spitted,

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