Gargantua and Pantagruel eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 952 pages of information about Gargantua and Pantagruel.
it was of a
  buns. cock and a bull. 
When he grumbled, it was March When he gave nothing, so much
  cats. for the bearer. 
When he nodded, it was iron- If he thought to himself, it was
  bound waggons. whimsies and maggots. 
When he made mouths, it was If he dozed, it was leases of lands.
  broken staves.

What is yet more strange, he used to work doing nothing, and did nothing though he worked; caroused sleeping, and slept carousing, with his eyes open, like the hares in our country, for fear of being taken napping by the Chitterlings, his inveterate enemies; biting he laughed, and laughing bit; eat nothing fasting, and fasted eating nothing; mumbled upon suspicion, drank by imagination, swam on the tops of high steeples, dried his clothes in ponds and rivers, fished in the air, and there used to catch decumane lobsters; hunted at the bottom of the herring-pond, and caught there ibexes, stamboucs, chamois, and other wild goats; used to put out the eyes of all the crows which he took sneakingly; feared nothing but his own shadow and the cries of fat kids; used to gad abroad some days, like a truant schoolboy; played with the ropes of bells on festival days of saints; made a mallet of his fist, and writ on hairy parchment prognostications and almanacks with his huge pin-case.

Is that the gentleman? said Friar John.  He is my man; this is the very fellow I looked for.  I will send him a challenge immediately.  This is, said Pantagruel, a strange and monstrous sort of man, if I may call him a man.  You put me in mind of the form and looks of Amodunt and Dissonance.  How were they made? said Friar John.  May I be peeled like a raw onion if ever I heard a word of them.  I’ll tell you what I read of them in some ancient apologues, replied Pantagruel.

Physis—­that is to say, Nature—­at her first burthen begat Beauty and Harmony without carnal copulation, being of herself very fruitful and prolific.  Antiphysis, who ever was the counter part of Nature, immediately, out of a malicious spite against her for her beautiful and honourable productions, in opposition begot Amodunt and Dissonance by copulation with Tellumon.  Their heads were round like a football, and not gently flatted on both sides, like the common shape of men.  Their ears stood pricked up like those of asses; their eyes, as hard as those of crabs, and without brows, stared out of their heads, fixed on bones like those of our heels; their feet were round like tennis-balls; their arms and hands turned backwards towards their shoulders; and they walked on their heads, continually turning round like a ball, topsy-turvy, heels over head.

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Gargantua and Pantagruel from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.