and other their neighbours, all stiff drinkers, brave
fellows, and good players at the kyles. The
good man Grangousier took great pleasure in their
company, and commanded there should be no want nor
pinching for anything. Nevertheless he bade his
wife eat sparingly, because she was near her time,
and that these tripes were no very commendable meat.
They would fain, said he, be at the chewing of ordure,
that would eat the case wherein it was. Notwithstanding
these admonitions, she did eat sixteen quarters, two
bushels, three pecks and a pipkin full. O the
fair fecality wherewith she swelled, by the ingrediency
of such shitten stuff!
After dinner they all went out in a hurl to the grove
of the willows, where, on the green grass, to the
sound of the merry flutes and pleasant bagpipes, they
danced so gallantly, that it was a sweet and heavenly
sport to see them so frolic.
The Discourse of the Drinkers.
Then did they fall upon the chat of victuals and some
belly furniture to be snatched at in the very same
place. Which purpose was no sooner mentioned,
but forthwith began flagons to go, gammons to trot,
goblets to fly, great bowls to ting, glasses to ring.
Draw, reach, fill, mix, give it me without water.
So, my friend, so, whip me off this glass neatly,
bring me hither some claret, a full weeping glass
till it run over. A cessation and truce with
thirst. Ha, thou false fever, wilt thou not be
gone? By my figgins, godmother, I cannot as
yet enter in the humour of being merry, nor drink so
currently as I would. You have catched a cold,
gammer? Yea, forsooth, sir. By the belly
of Sanct Buff, let us talk of our drink: I never
drink but at my hours, like the Pope’s mule.
And I never drink but in my breviary, like a fair
father guardian. Which was first, thirst or
drinking? Thirst, for who in the time of innocence
would have drunk without being athirst? Nay,
sir, it was drinking; for privatio praesupponit habitum.
I am learned, you see: Foecundi calices quem
non fecere disertum? We poor innocents drink
but too much without thirst. Not I truly, who
am a sinner, for I never drink without thirst, either
present or future. To prevent it, as you know,
I drink for the thirst to come. I drink eternally.
This is to me an eternity of drinking, and drinking
of eternity. Let us sing, let us drink, and
tune up our roundelays. Where is my funnel?
What, it seems I do not drink but by an attorney?
Do you wet yourselves to dry, or do you dry to wet
you? Pish, I understand not the rhetoric (theoric,
I should say), but I help myself somewhat by the practice.
Baste! enough! I sup, I wet, I humect, I moisten
my gullet, I drink, and all for fear of dying.
Drink always and you shall never die. If I drink
not, I am a-ground, dry, gravelled and spent.
I am stark dead without drink, and my soul ready
to fly into some marsh amongst frogs; the soul never
