Gargantua and Pantagruel eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 952 pages of information about Gargantua and Pantagruel.
he coupled and joined together; then said:  Truth itself is not truer than that it is certain thou wilt be a cuckold a little after thy marriage.  That being done, he asked of Panurge the horoscope of his nativity, which was no sooner by Panurge tendered unto him, than that, erecting a figure, he very promptly and speedily formed and fashioned a complete fabric of the houses of heaven in all their parts, whereof when he had considered the situation and the aspects in their triplicities, he fetched a deep sigh, and said:  I have clearly enough already discovered unto you the fate of your cuckoldry, which is unavoidable, you cannot escape it.  And here have I got of new a further assurance thereof, so that I may now hardily pronounce and affirm, without any scruple or hesitation at all, that thou wilt be a cuckold; that furthermore, thou wilt be beaten by thine own wife, and that she will purloin, filch and steal of thy goods from thee; for I find the seventh house, in all its aspects, of a malignant influence, and every one of the planets threatening thee with disgrace, according as they stand seated towards one another, in relation to the horned signs of Aries, Taurus, and Capricorn.  In the fourth house I find Jupiter in a decadence, as also in a tetragonal aspect to Saturn, associated with Mercury.  Thou wilt be soundly peppered, my good, honest fellow, I warrant thee.  I will be? answered Panurge.  A plague rot thee, thou old fool and doting sot, how graceless and unpleasant thou art!  When all cuckolds shall be at a general rendezvous, thou shouldst be their standard-bearer.  But whence comes this ciron-worm betwixt these two fingers?  This Panurge said, putting the forefinger of his left hand betwixt the fore and mid finger of the right, which he thrust out towards Herr Trippa, holding them open after the manner of two horns, and shutting into his fist his thumb with the other fingers.  Then, in turning to Epistemon, he said:  Lo here the true Olus of Martial, who addicted and devoted himself wholly to the observing the miseries, crosses, and calamities of others, whilst his own wife, in the interim, did keep an open bawdy-house.  This varlet is poorer than ever was Irus, and yet he is proud, vaunting, arrogant, self-conceited, overweening, and more insupportable than seventeen devils; in one word, Ptochalazon, which term of old was applied to the like beggarly strutting coxcombs.  Come, let us leave this madpash bedlam, this hairbrained fop, and give him leave to rave and dose his bellyful with his private and intimately acquainted devils, who, if they were not the very worst of all infernal fiends, would never have deigned to serve such a knavish barking cur as this is.  He hath not learnt the first precept of philosophy, which is, Know thyself; for whilst he braggeth and boasteth that he can discern the least mote in the eye of another, he is not able to see the huge block that puts out the sight of both his eyes.  This is such another Polypragmon as
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Gargantua and Pantagruel from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.