Gargantua and Pantagruel eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 1,126 pages of information about Gargantua and Pantagruel.
him there needs no broom, he’ll sweep so well before, and leave nothing to his followers to work upon.  Whereunto the lady answered, Go, villain, go.  If you speak to me one such word more, I will cry out and make you to be knocked down with blows.  Ha, said he, you are not so bad as you say—­no, or else I am deceived in your physiognomy.  For sooner shall the earth mount up unto the heavens, and the highest heavens descend unto the hells, and all the course of nature be quite perverted, than that in so great beauty and neatness as in you is there should be one drop of gall or malice.  They say, indeed, that hardly shall a man ever see a fair woman that is not also stubborn.  Yet that is spoke only of those vulgar beauties; but yours is so excellent, so singular, and so heavenly, that I believe nature hath given it you as a paragon and masterpiece of her art, to make us know what she can do when she will employ all her skill and all her power.  There is nothing in you but honey, but sugar, but a sweet and celestial manna.  To you it was to whom Paris ought to have adjudged the golden apple, not to Venus, no, nor to Juno, nor to Minerva, for never was there so much magnificence in Juno, so much wisdom in Minerva, nor so much comeliness in Venus as there is in you.  O heavenly gods and goddesses!  How happy shall that man be to whom you will grant the favour to embrace her, to kiss her, and to rub his bacon with hers!  By G—­, that shall be I, I know it well; for she loves me already her bellyful, I am sure of it, and so was I predestinated to it by the fairies.  And therefore, that we lose no time, put on, thrust out your gammons!—­and would have embraced her, but she made as if she would put out her head at the window to call her neighbours for help.  Then Panurge on a sudden ran out, and in his running away said, Madam, stay here till I come again; I will go call them myself; do not you take so much pains.  Thus went he away, not much caring for the repulse he had got, nor made he any whit the worse cheer for it.  The next day he came to the church at the time she went to mass.  At the door he gave her some of the holy water, bowing himself very low before her.  Afterwards he kneeled down by her very familiarly and said unto her, Madam, know that I am so amorous of you that I can neither piss nor dung for love.  I do not know, lady, what you mean, but if I should take any hurt by it, how much you would be to blame!  Go, said she, go!  I do not care; let me alone to say my prayers.  Ay but, said he, equivocate upon this:  a beau mont le viconte, or, to fair mount the prick-cunts.  I cannot, said she.  It is, said he, a beau con le vit monte, or to a fair c. . .the pr. . .mounts.  And upon this, pray to God to give you that which your noble heart desireth, and I pray you give me these paternosters.  Take them, said she, and trouble me no longer.  This done, she would have taken off her paternosters, which were made of a kind of yellow stone called cestrin, and adorned with great spots of gold, but Panurge nimbly drew out one of his knives, wherewith he cut them off very handsomely, and whilst he was going away to carry them to the brokers, he said to her, Will you have my knife?  No, no, said she.  But, said he, to the purpose.  I am at your commandment, body and goods, tripes and bowels.

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Gargantua and Pantagruel from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.
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