Gargantua and Pantagruel eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 952 pages of information about Gargantua and Pantagruel.
which put the poor fox to a great deal of ill ease, for he knew not to what side to turn himself to escape the unsavoury perfume of this old woman’s postern blasts.  And whilst to that effect he was shifting hither and thither, without knowing how to shun the annoyance of those unwholesome gusts, he saw that behind there was yet another hole, not so great as that which he did wipe, out of which came this filthy and infectious air.  The lion at last returned, bringing with him of moss more than eighteen packs would hold, and began to put into the wound with a staff which he had provided for that purpose, and had already put in full sixteen packs and a half, at which he was amazed.  What a devil! said he, this wound is very deep; it would hold above two cartloads of moss.  The fox, perceiving this, said unto the lion, O gossip lion, my friend, I pray thee do not put in all thy moss there; keep somewhat, for there is yet here another little hole, that stinks like five hundred devils; I am almost choked with the smell thereof, it is so pestiferous and empoisoning.

Thus must these walls be kept from the flies, and wages allowed to some for wiping of them.  Then said Pantagruel, How dost thou know that the privy parts of women are at such a cheap rate?  For in this city there are many virtuous, honest, and chaste women besides the maids.  Et ubi prenus? said Panurge.  I will give you my opinion of it, and that upon certain and assured knowledge.  I do not brag that I have bumbasted four hundred and seventeen since I came into this city, though it be but nine days ago; but this very morning I met with a good fellow, who, in a wallet such as Aesop’s was, carried two little girls of two or three years old at the most, one before and the other behind.  He demanded alms of me, but I made him answer that I had more cods than pence.  Afterwards I asked him, Good man, these two girls, are they maids?  Brother, said he, I have carried them thus these two years, and in regard of her that is before, whom I see continually, in my opinion she is a virgin, nevertheless I will not put my finger in the fire for it; as for her that is behind, doubtless I can say nothing.

Indeed, said Pantagruel, thou art a gentle companion; I will have thee to be apparelled in my livery.  And therefore caused him to be clothed most gallantly according to the fashion that then was, only that Panurge would have the codpiece of his breeches three foot long, and in shape square, not round; which was done, and was well worth the seeing.  Oftentimes was he wont to say, that the world had not yet known the emolument and utility that is in wearing great codpieces; but time would one day teach it them, as all things have been invented in time.  God keep from hurt, said he, the good fellow whose long codpiece or braguet hath saved his life!  God keep from hurt him whose long braguet hath been worth to him in one day one hundred threescore thousand and nine crowns!  God keep from hurt him who by his long braguet hath saved a whole city from dying by famine!  And, by G-, I will make a book of the commodity of long braguets when I shall have more leisure.  And indeed he composed a fair great book with figures, but it is not printed as yet that I know of.

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Gargantua and Pantagruel from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.