Some amongst them did contradict this motion, as you
know that in all companies there are more fools than
wise men, and that the greater part always surmounts
the better, as saith Titus Livius in speaking of the
Carthaginians. But the foresaid Du Douhet held
the contrary opinion, maintaining that Pantagruel
had said well, and what was right, in affirming that
these records, bills of inquest, replies, rejoinders,
exceptions, depositions, and other such diableries
of truth-entangling writs, were but engines wherewith
to overthrow justice and unnecessarily to prolong such
suits as did depend before them; and that, therefore,
the devil would carry them all away to hell if they
did not take another course and proceeded not in times
coming according to the prescripts of evangelical and
philosophical equity. In fine, all the papers
were burnt, and the two gentlemen summoned and personally
convented. At whose appearance before the court
Pantagruel said unto them, Are you they that have this
great difference betwixt you? Yes, my lord,
said they. Which of you, said Pantagruel, is
the plaintiff? It is I, said my Lord Kissbreech.
Go to, then, my friend, said he, and relate your
matter unto me from point to point, according to the
real truth, or else, by cock’s body, if I find
you to lie so much as in one word, I will make you
shorter by the head, and take it from off your shoulders
to show others by your example that in justice and
judgment men ought to speak nothing but the truth.
Therefore take heed you do not add nor impair anything
in the narration of your case. Begin.
Chapter 2.XI.
How the Lords of Kissbreech and Suckfist did plead
before Pantagruel without an attorney.
Then began Kissbreech in manner as followeth.
My lord, it is true that a good woman of my house
carried eggs to the market to sell. Be covered,
Kissbreech, said Pantagruel. Thanks to you, my
lord, said the Lord Kissbreech; but to the purpose.
There passed betwixt the two tropics the sum of threepence
towards the zenith and a halfpenny, forasmuch as the
Riphaean mountains had been that year oppressed with
a great sterility of counterfeit gudgeons and shows
without substance, by means of the babbling tattle
and fond fibs seditiously raised between the gibblegabblers
and Accursian gibberish-mongers for the rebellion
of the Switzers, who had assembled themselves to the
full number of the bumbees and myrmidons to go a-handsel-getting
on the first day of the new year, at that very time
when they give brewis to the oxen and deliver the
key of the coals to the country-girls for serving
in of the oats to the dogs. All the night long
they did nothing else, keeping their hands still upon
the pot, but despatch, both on foot and horseback,
leaden-sealed writs or letters, to wit, papal commissions
commonly called bulls, to stop the boats; for the
tailors and seamsters would have made of the stolen
