XV

A few hours later, without having witnessed anything of particular significance, except as it befell myself, I was transferred to my old ward.  The superintendent, who had ordered this rehabilitation, soon appeared, and he and I had a satisfactory talk.  He gave me to understand that he himself would in future look after my case, as he realized that his assistant lacked the requisite tact and judgment to cope with one of my temperament—­and with that, my desire to telephone my conservator vanished.

Now no physician would like to have his wings clipped by a patient, even indirectly, and without doubt the man’s pride was piqued as his incompetence was thus made plain.  Thereafter, when he passed through the ward, he and I had frequent tilts.  Not only did I lose no opportunity to belittle him in the presence of attendants and patients, but I even created such opportunities; so that before long he tried to avoid me whenever possible.  But it seldom was possible.  One of my chief amusements consisted in what were really one-sided interviews with him.  Occasionally he was so unwise as to stand his ground for several minutes, and his arguments on such occasions served only to keep my temper at a vituperative heat.  If there were any epithets which I failed to apply to him during the succeeding weeks of my association with him, they must have been coined since.  The uncanny admixture of sanity displayed by me, despite my insane condition, was something this doctor could not comprehend.  Remarks of mine, which he should have discounted or ignored, rankled as the insults of a sane and free man would have done.  And his blunt and indiscriminate refusal of most of my requests prolonged my period of mental excitement.

After my return to my old ward I remained there for a period of three weeks.  At that time I was a very self-centred individual.  My large and varied assortment of delusions of grandeur made everything seem possible.  There were few problems I hesitated to attack.  With sufficient provocation I even attacked attendants—­problems in themselves; but such fights as I subsequently engaged in were fights either for my own rights or the rights of others.  Though for a while I got along fairly well with the attendants and as well as could be expected with the assistant physician, it soon became evident that these men felt that to know me more was to love me less.  Owing to their lack of capacity for the work required of them, I was able to cause them endless annoyance.  Many times a day I would tell the attendants what to do and what not to do, and tell them what I should do if my requests, suggestions, or orders were not immediately complied with.  For over one year they had seen me in a passive, almost speechless condition, and they were, therefore, unable to understand my unwonted aggressions.  The threat that I would chastise them for any disobedience of my orders they looked upon as a huge joke.  So it was, until one day I incontinently cracked that joke against the head of one of them.