his moderating influence.  For in their anxiety not to interfere with the deliberations of those patriotic Irishmen who are trying to settle how Ireland shall be governed in the future, the Government are allowing it to become ungovernable by anybody.  A new and agreeable Parliamentary innovation has been introduced by Sir Eric Geddes in the shape of an immense diagram showing the downward tendency of the U-boat activities.  Other orators might with advantage follow this method.  Indeed, there are some whose speeches would be more enjoyable if they were all diagrams.  As for that pledge of the New Citizenship, the Education Bill, the debate on the second reading has been such a long eulogy of its author that Mr. Fisher would be well advised to offer a propitiatory sacrifice to Nemesis.

[Illustration: 

BY SPECIAL REQUEST

CUSTOMER:  “Here, waiter, take a coupon off this and ask the band to play five-penn’orth of ‘The Roast Beef of Old England.’”]

Compulsory rationing is now an established fact, and the temporary disappearance of marmalade from the breakfast table has called forth many a cri de coeur.  As one lyrist puts it: 

  Let Beef and Butter, Rolls and Rabbits fade,
  But give me back my love, my Marmalade.

And another has addressed this touching vow to margarine: 

  Whether the years prove fat or lean
    This vow I here rehearse: 
  I take you, dearest Margarine,
    For butter or for worse.

It is reported that the Government’s standard suits for men’s wear will soon be available.  One is occasionally tempted to hope that women’s costumes might be similarly standardised.

[Illustration:  THE COAT THAT DIDN’T COME OFF]

The German Press announces the death of the notorious “Captain of Koepenick,” and the Cologne Gazette refers to him as “the only man who ever succeeded in making the German Army look ridiculous.”  This is the kind of subtle flattery that the Hohenzollerns really appreciate.

April, 1918.

We have reached the darkest hours of the War and the clouds have not yet lifted, though the rate of the German advance has already begun to slow down.  On the 11th the enemy broke through at Armentieres and pushed their advantage till another wedge was driven into the British line.  On the 12th Sir Douglas Haig issued his historic order:  “With our backs to the wall, and believing in the justice of our cause, each one of us must fight to the end.  The safety of our homes and the freedom of mankind depend alike upon the conduct of each one of us at the critical moment.”  The Amiens line being under fire, it was impossible to bring French reinforcements north in time to save Kemmel Hill and stave off the menace to the Channel ports.  The tale of our losses is grievous, and for thousands and thousands of families nothing can ever be the same again.