worst tobacco, and the worst beer in the world, with a ream of half-brown paper, and a Leipsic catalogue to plunder, and he will in three months write any subject dead—­ smother the plainest truth with an accumulation of absurdity, astonishing, as the work of a creature with but two hands—­and prove that the earth is but a huge oyster, in which Germany is the pearl; or that man is only a reclaimed baboon, of which all the wit is centered in Weimar.

Monthly Magazine.

* * * * *

THE GATHERER.

A snapper up of unconsidered trifles.

SHAKSPEARE.

* * * * *

A PUNSTER.

Dr. Barton was a punster.  He said, “the fellows of my college wished to have an organ in the chapel, but I put a stop to it;” whether for the sake of the pun, or because he disliked music, is uncertain.  He invited, for the love of punning, Mr. Crowe and Mr. Rooke to dine with him; and having given Mr. Birdmore, another guest, a hint to be rather after the time, on his appearing, said, “Mr. Rook!  Mr. Crowe!  I beg leave to introduce one Bird more.”  He married his niece to a gentleman of the hopeful name of Buckle.  The enterprise succeeded beyond his expectation.  Mrs. Buckle was delivered of twins.  “A pair of Buckles!” “Boys or girls?” said a congratulating friend; the answer may be supposed.  To him, though it has been attributed to others, belongs the glory or the shame of having said to one, who having re-established his health by a diet of milk and eggs, took a wife:—­“So, you have been egged on to matrimony:  I hope the yoke will sit easy on you.”

* * * * *

PLAY BILL.

(Translated from the Spanish.)

    To the sovereign of heaven,
  To the mother of the eternal world,
    To the Polar Star of Spain,
  To the faithful protectress of the Spanish nation,
  To the honour and glory of the most Holy Virgin Mary,
  For her benefit, and for the propagation of her worship,
    The company of comedians will this day give a representation of
          the comic piece called Manine. 
  The celebrated Italian will also dance the Fandango,
    and the theatre will be superbly illuminated.

* * * * *

“Write your name at full length the first time you order any thing which you ought to pay for, that the person so employed or ordered may have no difficulty of applying (legally) if necessary for payment.”—­The advice of one who from a common soldier died in opulence honestly gained by trade.

* * * * *

A French philosopher placed a statue in his hall, under which was the follow-distich:—­

  “Whoever you be, Sir, pray take off your castor;
  For this is, or has been, or will be your master.”