Oi niver in me loife have seen sich char-r-min’ illycution,
The gistures av thim wid their fists was grand in ixecution;
We tried to be impar-r-tial, so no favoroite we made,
But jist sicked them on tergither, yis indade, yis indade. 
And nayther wan was half convinced whin Sar-r-gint Leary came,
Wid near a dozen other cops, and stopped the purty game;
But niver did Oi see dhress-suits in sich a mortial state
As thim the or-r-ators had on at our big j’int debate.

Ho, ho!  Begorra!  Oi wisht that ye’d been there! 
Ho, ho!  Begorra!  The foight was on the square;
  Ter see the wagon goin’ off, wid thim two on the sate!—­
Oi ’d loike ter shtroike, ’twixt Dan and Moilce,
  Another j’int debate.

* * * * *

HIS NEW BROTHER

Say, I’ve got a little brother,
Never teased to have him, nuther,
  But he’s here;
They just went ahead and bought him,
And, last week the doctor brought him,
  Wa’n’t that queer?

When I heard the news from Molly,
Why, I thought at first ’t was jolly,
  ’Cause, you see,
I s’posed I could go and get him
And then Mama, course, would let him
  Play with me.

But when I had once looked at him,
“Why!” I says, “My sakes, is that him? 
  Just that mite!”
They said, “Yes,” and, “Ain’t he cunnin’?”
And I thought they must be funnin’,—­
  He’s a sight!

[Illustration:  “Why’d they buy a baby brother,
When they know I’d good deal ruther
Have a dog?”]

He’s so small, it’s just amazin’,
And you ‘d think that he was blazin’,
  He’s so red;
And his nose is like a berry,
And he’s bald as Uncle Jerry
  On his head.

Why, he isn’t worth a dollar! 
All he does is cry and holler
  More and more;
Won’t sit up—­you can’t arrange him,—­
I don’t see why Pa do’n’t change him
  At the store.

Now we’ve got to dress and feed him,
And we really didn’t need him
  More ’n a frog;
Why’d they buy a baby brother,
When they know I’d good deal ruther
  Have a dog?

* * * * *

CIRCLE DAY

Me and Billy’s in the woodshed; Ma said, “Run outdoors and play;
Be good boys and don’t be both’rin’, till the company’s gone away.” 
She and sister Mary’s hustlin’, settin’ out the things for tea,
And the parlor’s full of women, such a crowd you never see;
Every one a-cuttin’ patchwork or a-sewin’ up a seam,
And the way their tongues is goin’, seems as if they went by steam. 
Me and Billy’s been a-listenin’ and, I tell you what, it beats
Circus day to hear ’em gabbin’, when the Sewin’ Circle meets.