“January 20. My patience is still tried in waiting for the action of Congress on my bill. With so much at stake you may easily conceive how tantalizing is this state of suspense. I wish to feel right on this subject; not to be impatient, nor distrustful, nor fretful, and yet to be prepared for the worst. I find my funds exhausting, my clothing wearing out, my time, especially, rapidly waning, and my affairs at home requiring some little looking after; and then, if I should after all be disappointed, the alternative looks dark, and to human eyes disastrous in the extreme.
“I hardly dare contemplate this side of the matter, and yet I ought so far to consider it as to provide, if possible, against being struck down by such a blow. At times, after waiting all day and day after day, in the hope that my bill may be called up, and in vain, I feel heart-sick, and finding nothing accomplished, that no progress is made, that precious time flies, I am depressed and begin to question whether I am in the way of duty. But when I feel that I have done all in my power, and that this delay may be designed by the wise disposer of all events for a trial of patience, I find relief and a disposition quietly to wait such issue as he shall direct, knowing that, if I sincerely have put my trust in him, he will not lead me astray, and my way will, in any event, be made plain.”
“January 25. I am still waiting, waiting. I know not what the issue will be and wish to be prepared, and have you all prepared, for the worst in regard to the bill. Although I learn of no opposition yet I have seen enough of the modes of business in the House to know that everything there is more than in ordinary matters uncertain. It will be the end of the session, probably, before I return. I will not have to reproach myself, or be reproached by others, for any neglect, but under all circumstances I am exceedingly tried. I am too foreboding probably, and ought not so to look ahead as to be distrustful. I fear that I have no right feelings in this state of suspense. It is easier to say ’Thy will be done’ than at all tunes to feel it, yet I can pray that God’s will may be done whatever becomes of me and mine.”
“January 30. I am still kept in suspense which is becoming more and more tantalizing and painful. But I endeavor to exercise patience.”
“February 21. I think the clouds begin to break away and a little sunlight begins to cheer me. The House in Committee of the Whole on the State of the Union have just passed my bill through committee to report to the House. There was an attempt made to cast ridicule upon it by a very few headed by Mr. Cave Johnson, who proposed an amendment that half the sum should be appropriated to mesmeric experiments. Only 26 supported him and it was laid aside to be reported to the House without amendment and without division.