expression on his face. I ask him where he is
going.—“you do not know what has happened
to me?” he cries. I confess I do not.—“The
most extraordinary thing: I am condemned to death!”—“You!”
I exclaim.—“Yes! by the Commune!”—“And
wherefore?” I ask.—“Because
I write on the
Figaro.”—“Why,
I never knew that!”—“Oh! not
very often; but last year I addressed a letter to the
Editor, to explain to him that my new farce called
‘My Aunt’s Garters’ had nothing
at all to do with ‘My Uncle’s Braces,’
which is by somebody else. You understand that
I did not want to change the title, which is rather
good of its kind, so I wrote to the
Figaro,
and as my letter was inserted, and as the Commune
condemns all the contributors.... You see ...!”—“Perfectly!
Why, my dear fellow, you ought to have been off before.
Of course you go to Versailles?”—“Why,
yes.”—“By the railway?”
I cannot help having a joke at his expense.—“Yes,
of course.”—“Well, if I were
you, I would not, really; the engine might blow up,
or you might run into a luggage train. Such things
do happen in the best of times, and I think the Commune
capable of anything to get rid of so dangerous an
adversary.”—“You don’t
mean to say,” says the poor little, man in a
tremor, “that they would go to such lengths!
Well, at any rate I will travel by the road."[29]
A little farther up the Boulevard des Italiens I see
another acquaintance. “What, still in Paris?”
I say, shaking hands with him.—“I
am off this evening,” he answers.—“Are
you condemned to death?”—“No,
but I shall be tried to-night.”—“The
devil! Do you write on the Figaro!”—“No,
no, it is quite a long story. Three years ago,
I made the acquaintance of a charming blonde, who
reciprocated my advances, and made herself highly
agreeable. In a word, I was smitten. Unfortunately
there was a husband in the case!”—“The
devil there was!”—“He made
inquiries, and found out who I was, and ...”—“And
invited you to mortal combat?”—“Oh!
no, he is a hosier. But from that day forth he
became my most bitter enemy.”—“Very
disagreeable of him, I am sure, but I do not see how
the enmity of this retail dealer obliges you to quit
Paris?”—“Why, you see he has
a cousin who is elected a member of the Commune.”—“I
understand your uneasiness; you fear the latent revenge
of this unreasonable hosier.”—“I
am to be tried to-night, but it is not the fear of
death which makes me fly. It is worse than that.
Those Hotel de Ville people are capable of anything,
and I hear they are going to make a law on divorce.
I know the malignity of the lady’s husband—and
I believe he is capable of getting a divorce, and forcing
me to marry her!”
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