FOMINISHNA.  You can never see anything but men!  Where in the world did one ever see a man wearing a widow’s bonnet?  This is a widow’s affair—­so what should her name be?

LIPOCHKA.  Naturally, a woman without a husband, a widow.

FOMINISHNA.  So I was right?  And it comes out that it is a woman!

LIPOCHKA.  What a senseless creature!  Well, who is the woman?

FOMINISHNA.  There, there now, you’re clever, but no guesser; it couldn’t be anybody else but Ustinya Naumovna.

LIPOCHKA.  Ah, mamma, how lucky!

AGRAFENA KONDRATYEVNA.  Where has she been all this time?  Bring her in quickly, Fominishna.

FOMINISHNA.  She’ll appear herself in a second.  She stopped in the yard, quarrelling with the porter; he didn’t open the door quickly enough.

SCENE IV

The same and USTINYA NAUMOVNA

USTINYA NAUMOVNA. [Entering] Ouf, fa, fa!  Why do you have such a steep staircase, my jewels?  You climb, and climb, and much as ever you get there!

LIPOCHKA.  Oh, here she is!  How are you, Ustinya Naumovna?

USTINYA NAUMOVNA.  Don’t get in a hurry!  There’s people older than you.  I want to chatter with your mamma a bit first. [Exchanges kisses with AGRAFENA KONDRATYEVNA] How are you, Agrafena Kondratyevna?  How did you feel when you got up?  How did you pass the night?  All alive, my precious?

AGRAFENA KONDRATYEVNA.  Thank the Lord!  I’m alive, able to chew; I’ve been joking with my daughter all the morning.

USTINYA NAUMOVNA.  All about dresses, I suppose. [Exchanging kisses with LIPOCHKA] Well, your turn has come.  What’s this!  It seems as if you had grown stouter, my jewel!  Lord bless you!  What could be better than to blossom out in beauty!

FOMINISHNA.  Shame on you, temptress!  You’ll give us bad luck yet!

LIPOCHKA.  Oh, what nonsense!  It just looks that way to you, Ustinya Naumovna.  I keep getting punier; first it’s stomachache, then palpitation of the heart—­just like the beating of a pendulum.  Now I have a sinking feeling, or feel kind of seasick, and things swim before my eyes.

USTINYA NAUMOVNA. [To FOMINISHNA] Come on, you dear soul, let’s have a kiss now.  To be sure, we’ve already exchanged greetings in the yard, my jewel, so we don’t need to rub lips again.

FOMINISHNA.  Just as you wish.  Of course I’m no lady of a household.  I don’t amount to much; all the same I have a soul in me, and not just vapor!

AGRAFENA KONDRATYEVNA. [Sitting down] Sit down, sit down, Ustinya Naumovna!  Why do you stand up as stiff as a bean-pole?  Fominishna, go tell them to heat up the samovar.

USTINYA NAUMOVNA.  I’ve had my tea, I’ve had it, my jewel; may I perish on the spot if I haven’t; and I’ve just dropped in for a moment.

AGRAFENA KONDRATYEVNA.  What are you loafing about for, Fominishna?  Run off a little more nimbly, granny.