A Select Collection of Old English Plays, Volume 9 eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 508 pages of information about A Select Collection of Old English Plays, Volume 9.

APP.  There, there, man, you are right.



    APPETITUS solus.

APP.  What a strange temper are the Senses in! 
How come their wits thus topsy-turvy turn’d? 
Hercules Tactus, Visus Polypheme! 
Two goodly surnames have they purchased. 
By the rare ambrosia[306] of an oyster-pie,
They have got such proud imaginations,
That I could wish I were mad for company: 
But since my fortunes cannot stretch so high,
I’ll rest contented with this wise estate.


    APPETITUS:  [to him enter] AUDITUS with a candlestick.

APP.  What, more anger?  Auditus got abroad too?

AUD.  Take this abuse at base Olfactus’ hands? 
What, did he challenge me to meet me here,
And is not come? well, I’ll proclaim the slave
The vilest dastard that e’er broke his word. 
But stay, yonder’s Appetitus.

APP.  I pray you, Auditus, what ails you?

AUD.  Ha, ha!

APP.  What ails you?

AUD.  Ha! what say’st thou?

APP.  Who hath abused you thus?

AUD.  Why dost thou whisper thus?  Canst not speak out?

APP.  Save me, I had clean forgotten.  Why are you so angry, Auditus?

AUD.  Bite us! who dare bite us?

APP.  I talk of no biting; I say, what’s the matter between Olfactus and you?

AUD.  Will Olfactus bite me? do, if he dares; would he would meet me here according to his promise!  Mine ears are somewhat thick of late; I pray thee, speak out louder.

APP.  Ha, ha, ha, ha! this is fine, i’faith:  ha, ha, ha!  Hear you, have you lost your ears at supper?

AUD.  Excellent cheer at supper, I confess it;
But when ’tis sauc’d with sour contentions,
And breeds such quarrels, ’tis intolerable.

APP.  Pish, pish, this is my question:  hath your supper spoiled your hearing?

AUD.  Hearing at supper? tell not me of hearing? 
But if thou saw’st Olfactus, bring me to him.

APP.  I ask you, whether you have lost your hearing?

AUD.  O, dost thou hear them ring? what a grief is this
Thus to be deaf, and lose such harmony. 
Wretched Auditus, now shalt thou never hear
The pleasing changes that a well-tun’d chord
Of trolling bells will make, when they are rung.

APP.  Here’s ado indeed!  I think he’s mad, as well as drunk or deaf.

AUD.  Ha, what’s that?

APP.  I say you have made me hoarse with speaking so loud.

AUD.  Ha, what say’st thou of a creaking crowd?[307]

APP.  I am hoarse, I tell you, and my head aches.

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A Select Collection of Old English Plays, Volume 9 from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.
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