TAC. A thousand thanks; but since I needs must
Let it suffice, death only murders me.
O, ’twould augment the dolour of my death,
To know myself the most unhappy bow,
Through which pale death should aim his shafts at you.
VIS. Tactus, farewell; yet die with this good
Thy corpse shall be interred as it ought.
TAC. Go, make my tomb, provide my funerals; ha,
ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
Excellent asses thus to be deluded,
Bewail his death and cruel destinies,
That lives, and laughs your fooleries to scorn.
But where’s my crown! O, here: I well deserve
Thus to be crown’d for two great victories!
Ha, ha, ha!
Visus, take care my corpse be well interr’d:
Go make my tomb, and write upon the stone,
Here lies the Sense that
living gull’d them all
With a false plague and feigned urinal.
AUD. Tactus, Tactus!
TAC. O Jupiter, ’tis Auditus, all’s marred, I doubt: the sly knave hears so far; but yet I’ll grope him. How now, Ears, what make you here, ha?
AUD. Nay, what make you here, I pray? What were you talking even now of an ass, and a crown, and an urinal, and a plague?
TAC. A plague on you! what, I?
AUD. O, what you!
TAC. O, I had well-nigh forgot; nothing; but I say—
TAC. That if a man (do you mark, sir?), being sick of the plague (do you see, sir?), had a, a, a—hem, hem (this cold troubles me; it makes me cough sometimes extremely)—had a French crown, sir, (you understand me?) lying by him, and (come hither, come hither), and would not bestow twopence (do you hear?) to buy an urinal (do you mark me?) to carry his water to the physician, hem!
AUD. What of all this?
TAC. I say such a one was a very ass. This was all. I use to speak to myself, when I am alone; but, Auditus, when shall we hear a new set of singing-books? Or the viols? Or the concert of instruments?
AUD. This was not all, for I heard mention of a tomb and an epitaph.
TAC. True, true, I made myself merry with this epitaph upon such a fool’s tomb thus a—thus, thus: plague brought this man—foh, I have forgotten—O, thus, plague brought this man (so, so, so), unto his burial, because, because, because (hem, hem)—because he would not buy an urinal. Come, come, Auditus, shall we hear thee play the lyreway or the luteway, shall we? Or the cornet, or any music? I am greatly revived, when I hear.
AUD. Tactus, Tactus, this will not serve; I heard all. You have not found a crown, you? no, you have not!
TACTUS, AUDITUS, VISUS, GUSTUS, MENDACIO.