OLFACTUS, in a garland of bays intermingled with white and red roses upon a false hair, his sleeves wrought with flowers under a damask mantle, over a pair of silk bases; a pair of buskins drawn with ribbon, a flower in his hand.
TAC. Ay me! Olfactus comes; I call’d
He’ll have half part, I fear; what shall I do!
Where shall I run? how shall I shift him off?
[TACTUS wraps up the robe and crown, and sits upon them.
OLF. This is the time, and this the place appointed,
Where Visus promis’d to confer with me.
I think he’s there—no, no, ’tis Tactus sure.
How now? what makes you sit so nicely?
TAC. ’Tis past imagination, ’tis so indeed.
OLF. How fast his hands are fixed, and how
melancholy he looks!
TAC. For this is true, man’s life is wondrous brittle.
OLF. He’s mad, I think, he talks so idly. So ho, Tactus!
TAC. And many have been metamorphosed
To stranger matters and more uncouth forms.
OLF. I must go nearer him; he doth not hear.
TAC. And yet methinks, I speak as I was wont;
OLF. Tactus, Tactus!
TAC. Olfactus, as thou lov’st me, come not near me.
OLF. Why, art thou hatching eggs? th’art afeard to break them?
TAC. Touch me not, lest thou chance to break my life.
OLF. What’s this under thee?
TAC. If thou meddle with me, I am utterly undone.
OLF. Why, man, what ails thee?
TAC. Let me alone, and I’ll tell thee;
Lately I came from fine Phantastes’ house.
OLF. So I believe, for thou art very foolish.
TAC. No sooner had I parted out of doors,
But up I held my hands before my face,
To shield mine eyes from th’light’s piercing beams;
When I protest I saw the sun as clear
Through these my palms, as through a perspective.
No marvel; for when I beheld my fingers,
I saw my fingers were transform’d to glass;
Opening my breast, my breast was like a window,
Through which I plainly did perceive my heart:
In whose two concaves I discern’d my thoughts
Confus’dly lodged in great multitudes.
OLF. Ha, ha, ha, ha! why, this is excellent,
Momus himself can find no fault with thee,
Thou’dst make a passing live anatomy;
And decide the question much disputed
Betwixt the Galenists and Aristotle.
TAC. But when I had arriv’d, and set me
Viewing myself—myself, ay me! was changed,
As thou now seest, to a perfect urinal.
OLF. T’a perfect urinal? O monstrous,
Art not mad to think so?
TAC. I do not think so, but I say I am so,
Therefore, Olfactus, come not near, I advise you.