“In short you will do your patriotic best to help your country through its difficulties and to put the interest of the nation above your own convenience.”

“Francesca,” I said, “you must not be too serious.  I was but attempting a jest.”

“This is no time for jests.  I can’t bear even to think of your joining the Brigade of Grousers who are always girding at the Government.  I won’t stand your being a girder.  So make up your mind to that.”

“Very well,” I said, “I will endeavour not to be a girder; but you simply must get me a pot or two of marmalade.”

“And allow the KAISER to win the War?  Not if I know it.  Besides, I don’t like marmalade.”

“There you are,” I said.  “You don’t like marmalade—­few women do—­and so you’re going to make a virtue for yourself by forcing me to give it up.  My dear, you’ve given the whole show away.”

“Don’t juggle with words,” she said, speaking with a dreadful calm.  “I may be able to get a pot or two—­say at the outside a dozen pots.  Well, if I manage it I will inform you—­”

“Yes,” I said eagerly.

“If I manage it,” she repeated, “you shall know of it, and you shall make your self-denial complete and efficacious.”

“I don’t like the way in which this sentence is turning out.”

“You shall have a pot in front of you at breakfast, and you shan’t touch a shred of it.”

“Francesca,” I said, “you’re a tyrant.  But no, you wouldn’t be mean enough to do it—­before the children too.”

“Perhaps, as a concession, I would allow you a little marmalade in a pudding at luncheon.”

“But I don’t like marmalade in a pudding at luncheon.  I like it on toast at breakfast.”

“But you’re not going to have it on toast at breakfast.”

“Well,” I said, “I shall conduct reprisals.  For every time you don’t allow me to have any I shall destroy something you like—­a blouse or a hat.  If I’m to give up the essence of Dundee or Paisley you shall at least give up hats.”

“But the marmalade will remain.”

“Yes, and the hats will all perish.  That’s where I come in.”

“Don’t buoy yourself up with that notion,” she said.  “You’ll have to pay for the new ones—­or owe.”

R. C. L

* * * * *

[Illustration:  “OH, CONSTABLE, I CAN’T GET A TAXI.  THEY ALL SAY IT’S THEIR DINNER-HOUR.  IS IT ANY GOOD MY WAITING?”

“I CAN’T SAY, MISS.  IF YOU WAS ON THE SPOT YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO CATCH ONE AFORE THEIR TEA-HOUR BEGINS.”]

* * * * *

    Commercial Candour.

    From a tailor’s advertisement:—­

    “HAVE YOU ANY BLUE SERGES?  YES!  WE HAVE —­ (REGD.) IN STOCK.  THE
    SUIT TO ORDER .. 63/- Will last about another month.”

    Southern Daily Echo.