Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 27, October 1, 1870 eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 54 pages of information about Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 27, October 1, 1870.

Anybody who says the above did not come over the cable lies, wickedly, maliciously lies, with intent to deceive.  As soon as JACK SMITH’S smack sails, I’ll send you a piece of the cable it came over.

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[Illustration:  Mr. Bull:  The Sutler of the World]

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HIRAM GREEN TO KONIG WILHELM

He Reviews the Career of a Lunatic. —­ A Graduate with Nice Ideas.

KING WILYAM, Most noble Loonatic: 

We gates all der while! Accordin’ to the Marine Cable, I understand you’ve given old BONEY a slosh on der cope mit der Sweitzer case; or in good plain United States talk, LEWIS NAPOLEON has taken his Umpire, and shoved it up the spout, without the benefit of Judge or Jewry.

I kinder had an idee that when the now busted up rooler of the Umpire tackled you, that it would have been a ten dollar greenback in his panterloons pocket if he had let the contract out on shares to his nabors.

I’ve allers heard say that as able-bodied a Loonatic as the French say you be, could handle any 3 ordinary men, “Be be Jost or Gobler damed,” to cote from our friend BILLY SHAKESPEER.

We have had evidences here, of the superiority of Loonatics, mor’en once.

If a man can prove that his upper story is crackt, he can wallop his wife to his heart’s content; and if anybody interferes, he can popp him off with a six shooter, and the law will stand to his back.

Judges and Jewrys, when tryin’ such a man, think he is sum punkins, while all the illustrated papers stick the celebrated Loonatic’s fotograf onto their first page.

I would like to ask you, if your insanity is of the melon-colic, (this bein’ the season when melons is ripe,) or is it of the pro temper kind?

I shoulden’t wonder, between you and I, but that you inherited it from your illustrous Antsister, FREDERICK the Grate, who was about as sassy a Loonatic as you can pick up.

What we need just now, and what we have needed for a good while, is a able-bodied Loonatic to send to England as minister.

With such a crazy Statesman as you be, them ’ere little Alabarmy claims would have been squared up long ago, or else, if this court knows herself intimately, the British lion would have been sent off howlin’, with a tin kittle tide to his cordil appendage.

You probly observe, I go heavy on Loonatics.  Yes, sir! they are the “Coming man,” the 16th Commandment; or Chinese Coolers can’t hold a candle to ’em.

When a man ups and does something nobody else can do, if they’d bust their biler tryin’, then he is sot down as bein’ crazy as a loon by his jelous nabors.

I haven’t heard whether BISMARK’S or FRITZ’S upper storys were shaky, or not, but there haint the shadder of a dowt in my mind, but what both of these long headed chaps are madder than GEO. FRANCIS TRAIN any day; and that the Crown Prints employs his spare time strikin’ tragic attitoods, and repeatin’ the follerin well known verses: 

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Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 27, October 1, 1870 from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.
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